"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

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Thursday, May 26, 2011


This entry is submitted by me for Thursday Poets Rally Week 45,

Trembling hands picked up. 

The white transparent bottle jingled full of pills.
She read the contents and it said tranquillizer.
She opened up the lid, 
thought of popping some inside her.
But her self could not move it ahead to pour.
Bottle slid from her grip,
the rolling pills scattered on the floor. 
Blankly staring the floor she started crying.
Small sobs turned into big hysterical ones.
Sliding on the wall she thudded on the floor. 
A scrapbook laid aside, 
she slept on that numb floor and opened.
The scrapbook slowly turning through pages,
she saw and remembered....
he and she talked 
he and she talked some more
he and she met
he and she came so close
he and she confessed love
he and she hugged
he and she kissed
he and she were unbreakable
he and she never fought
he and she were the best couple
he died...
She is left...
She picks up the gun for once and for all,
a sound of click and she pulls the trigger.
She is also dead now,
and so the scrapbook is complete.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

To M/e

She was ruined deep inside but she had been en-kindled with a ray of hope to grow out of her misery and sorrows that had always played mighty tunes in her heart.She gathered some strength to utter out the words of pain that had been deep embedded in her to a stranger who was strangely called stranger but felt like someone known and well connected from longtime.
Unstoppable tears ran down her cheeks and wet her heart through and through she was going to finish on her tears soon.Sometimes crying is not bad but all the time it is not good either.She softly whispered some words in his ears.She touched him with her fingers to just make sure he is for real and life is not playing another mirage.He embraced her tightly to let her know that he resides besides her and is never going to leave no matter what.Solace that had dawned upon her after what she thought was like ages.
Time has sped past so fast she had no clue of what the world was like and neither did she had any thoughts of knowing it.Like a little child afraid of touching a hot pan with trembling hands she touched his face..from forehead..across the eyes as they closed..the nose..the lips as they kissed them...the neck as the Adam's apple made a little movement.He gulped down some air and then breathed heavily.She slowly reached his chest and could feel his heartbeat..it was so fast yet so secure and sure of it's beats.It was the night time and they were covered in the moonlight that generously fell on them to make them know that she had covered there secret and only the night,stars and the moon knows about them.If someday questions are raised they will answer there questions of true or not of their relation to them in their assurance..
She stopped right there over his chest..softly placed herself over him so that she could hear the healing tone of his heartbeat that felt like making chords to join her hearts in perfect harmony and solitariness of two lovely beings.
What was it?..she didn't know..How it happened?..she didn't know that either but she knew that whatever it was it was to her..to her self that constituted of him and her together embodied in one soul.
She heard carefully and she could hear him crying too...she didn't believe her ears as if dreaming she looked at him.He really was crying because he had never seen a angel like her in his whole life and he knew that he could not in his lifetime.Those were the tears of joy of the happy moments that he has been blessed with by the power which moves the whole world.
Time had stopped at that particular moment,she wiped away his tears with her still trembling hands.He held them and started kissing them.Slowly cascading down her arms..then her neck..her collar bone..her heart..and situated back at her lips..Only breathes collided and silence did the work of talking.
She could feel everything over her so intense,true and subtle that she was wanting to dive into the everlasting abyss of love and affection that had been let open by him to her.
Every scar made on her heart was vanishing with utmost precision of his love,every tear was engulfed by his lips,each pain was erased by his melting warmth of embrace and touch,every solitary pore in her body was joined with another companion for lifetime and each ephemeral moment of his love proliferated to become infinity.
She didn't want to be awaken if it were really a dream..she didn't want to live anymore if that moment was death and disconnection from real world.Every tint that they have seen in their lifetime seeped into the dark closure of their eyes and painted them a picture of their love.
It was not black and white(life)..it was all hues and all on cloud nine experience.It needed two beautiful perspectives to paint their love and make it real.Through the linger of fragrance of each other and taste of each other in mouth they plunged in the oceans of peace and sensuousness together though they both night have been poles apart in their definitions.
One more moment and the other to follow was her only wish but alas! time had to move and a moment of magic had to be only one and not continued forever and she saw herself parting their lips,withdrawing her hands,feeling loose and out of the soulful embrace...

And a song ringed in her room and echoed out loud and clear for her to hear..
When you're lyin' next to me
Love is goin' through to me
Oh it's beautiful
Oh yea!
Everything is clear to me
'Till I hit reality
And I lose it all
I lose it all
I lose it all. . . . .

And she sings to herSELF (M/e) these lines 

If I close my eyes forever
Would it ease the pain?
Could I breathe again?

And keeps waiting for may be a reply that may come or may not and she would have to commit herself to _ _ _ _ _

Parched the earth is dry and lifeless and rain would make sparkle it's bosom with green younglings..the question lies whether the showers would be pouring or forever decide to stay mum and let the dry earth break apart for time now and to come..

P.S.-It's fictitious!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Her memory..

This entry is submitted by me for Thursday Poets Rally Week 44,

Misted air of laziness covered up.                                          
Resuscitating from the blown smoke in air.
Iris hued blue ,opened wide staring infinity.
Galaxy of untouched and unscathed mysteries unfurled, 
Aficionado like he flew through them.
Nostalgia sped past while reviving her memories.
Kef it was as her reflection drugged him.
Dolce as she liked to address him echoed in his ears today.
Ubique her aura surrounded and he submerged.
Beguiled smile of her imaged in his eyes,
Eroding the left patience and calm.
Yearning was reignited yet again.

Kef-State of dream or drug-induced repose

Saturday, May 14, 2011

To 'Dada'

I don't know what compels me to write this after so many years but something in the back of my mind makes me wish to do this.Though i have never engaged myself in writing something in person as in about myself or share something about myself but today i am doing it for the first time and let's see may be for the last time.

My grandfather..he had expired a longtime back.The only relation i remember having with him was that he used to be around with me and we used to just sleep together side by side..saying or speaking nothing at all.I never used to talk with anyone at my home until and unless i wanted to.So all in all reserved.So was he,he never said or asked me anything just that sometimes used to call out my name.Everyday in the evening time we used to have shondha(evening time) at our home (we have it now also) it was specially done by my Dada as we call him in Bengali.Whenever he used to return with the barkosh(a wooden plate) black in color having little pieces of fruits placed on them,i used to be the first one jumping around and asking for one of the little pieces.Whenever the conch's echo was heard i knew he was done with the boi kaali(to worship a particular deity the ritual performed in the evening) which i used to call book black after i learnt English a bit as in Bengali boi means book and kaali means black.My favorite was the mango and still is.But interestingly being a child of the age 4 or 5 you really can't distinguish what is profit and what is loss for you so whenever i used to know that mango is being cut for the boi kaali i used to wait for the seed wrapped up in little bit of pulpy mango and not the other two parts which were cut and separated from it.

Sometimes we used to smile at each other out of no reason.I had seen him deteriorating in his health and as a child i had no idea what exactly was the problem with him but i knew that something was not correct when he stopped doing the boi kaali.

I just have one snap(which is now lost and image captured by my memory remains) of him smiling and sitting by the side of my Thamma(grandmother) with me in his lap and my cousin brother in Thamma's lap.I wore a polka dotted pink color frock,he a plain white panjabi(a loose fitting long cloak like top) and pajama(loose fitting lower),my Thamma in a saree (i don't remember it's color)and my brother in a shirt and shorts(i don't remember it's color either).Interestingly of this image i just remember what my Dada and me wore and i specifically remember it was my birthday and he was trying to pose while pushing inside the piece of cake inside my mouth.

Another sweet memory that i have beside me is the best possible dessert i could have ever had in my life.It was really simple but i don't know my Dada made it just fabulous it was nothing but some sweet and sour apples shredded nicely and done something after that(that something still remains a mystery to me as he expired before i could have any knowledge of the technicalities of things being made and destroyed).
I loved it and i still love it and i still have the taste of it sometimes lingering in my mouth..
I named it on my own and my elders at home still address it with the name i had once given that unique and delightful dessert which was 'Swadd' ..

So this is for my 'Dada' :) . .You are or you are not but in memory you are and will remain. .

P.S.-From some days i have been sleeping on the same side of the room and bed as i used to with my Dada so maybe he has thought of knocking me to just say a hie to his memories :)

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Wafting love..

From dusk till dawn,
he stays on my mind.
Dark and sensuous is how,
he is described.
Consuming me with wisps of his kiss.
I let him smolder my inside.
Elation is what he does to me.
On the lonely nights,
when the moon hides,
stars loose out their gleam,
he accompanies me.
Caresses my every pore, 
pouring himself inside me.
Bitter is how I have loved him,
sweetness is prohibited.
The wafting smell gets me high,
enamoring my heart in yearn.
Passionate,fluffy and poised in grace,
i lick him till the end.
He steals my heart, 
and leaves me craving.
My love for him is forever indeed.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Bloody Dream..

 This entry is submitted by me for Thursday Poets Rally Week 43,

Engulfing the radiance taking out just a cerulean.
As the evening light turns thinner.
Comes in the pretty enchanter,
a lovely blue moon peeps out of the sky.
I see a familiar effigy of someone so close,
shining out of the then turned black sky.
As I reach a little close to it as I feel,
a shadow comes from back and holds me by hands.
Comforting that touch feels rebirth instant.
A mask it wears the countenance this time.
In a flash of second reveals his true signs.
Humming a tune for the first time today.
Makes me loose my senses that were alright!
Tremulous I become falling in his arms,
he chariotest’s me to his dark world apart.
Serves me with red blood like wine,
introducing me to chapelle ardente.
Red roses surround he starts a cavatina.
My heart craves in need of more to hear.
Catoptric face his eyes meet mine.
Love has always united us indeed for right.
Thine majesty order me to present some grace,
He brings a silver tiara it looks great.
His words then echo telling the worth of it,
telling it is the only way we get to meet.
Placing it on my head I gleam,
making the universe look in surprise.
He smiles and says now you can come here, 
whenever you wish to.
Smiling I am speechless from the time I arrived.
Kissing each other we fill the air with sweet aroma,
invigorating our lives in just moments that got by.
Forever is the way we stay close,
end for beginning a new.
Splurging desires fulfilling thou’s need,
effacing we both for each other to lead.
Clasping me in his warmth,
i feel the heat so intense and divine.

Whispering in my ears then he unfolds a clandestine
Tells me about the clairvoyance we share
I shimmer with utmost joy.
Fuliginous the sky we watch together.
A gash is made on both our wrists,
Blood mixes weaves a wonderful dream..

Picture Courtesy

Thank You Jingle
I am honored
and i want to nominate