Wounded Past

For the things you do and don’t do, there maybe a reason or two or maybe none. You just do something as if an invisible hand just made you do it. When we are done we realize it through the after effects.

A friend of mine pretty boastful said she doesn’t need someone in her life to be alive. The concept of talking everyday with boy-friend is something which isn’t possible in reality she said. The girl and the guy both need space in their life. 

These were her thoughts when she first talked about love, girlfriend and boyfriend. She said once she had a boyfriend and that was it. She likes her current state of singlehood.

I didn’t probe her to give more and neither did she willingly disclose anymore information.

This was the story of the second day of us being acquainted with each other. We were walking back home together as we lived nearby. I bid her a goodbye and left on one of the ways in the fork.

She talked way too much for my liking. I met her almost everyday but somehow I got used to with her chatter, after sometime her talking didn’t bother me so much. She got really close to me. She shared things and a secret or two.

One fine day I got a little bit more of her previous love story. But I knew that was not all.

She has become committed once more and this time it was her best friend. They knew each other but understanding seemed a whole different ball game in their relation.

She wants to talk to him everyday. Her changed sentence was that she cannot live without him in her life. When she is not able to talk to him even a day, she becomes very anxious.

I see her and think that what is affecting her this much. Her face is completely pale and it seems she hasn’t slept all week. She tells me they are not able to talk.

I think there is something more but then again maybe I am reading in too much.

Today it happened so that I wasn’t wrong after all. It was her previous relation which affected her today so much. She told me she wants to be informed that someone is going out of her life.

I ask her the reason of breakup in her previous relation.

Her answer was 

“He never told me, he just went away. He did not respond to my message and did not talk to me. He just left.”

The guy is precious in her life, her current relation is her heart. She doesn’t want to loose the guy. She doesn’t want to be hanging and left without any reason.

Each day that she can’t talk with him, she thinks maybe he is on the way to leave her. She says maybe he deserves much better than her.

I tried to console her with words and told her that nothing of that sort will happen. That maybe the previous breakup had something good for future. But she is shaken too deep. Her wound is yet not healed. I hope she gets over someone who did not deserve her. I hope he heals her past.

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To change or to flow? Is it Complex or simple?

It is interesting how things change so soon. Or we think they change soon, it happens gradually and till we get to the final result we think it just happened all of a sudden. The changes that we want to have and imply it deliberately are the changes which are the most excruciating and long.

It is always good to have a change or is it at times bad too? I have no idea. I am still adjusting to the idea of change willingly. I know it happens whether I want it or not but I feel like catching hold of it and stopping it.

I want to still the time and stop the change. Well, I cannot win from time, I have to flow with its flow.

The interesting thing about moments(it is said it becomes when 90seconds pass) is that if you miss them, you miss them but even if you are in the moment afterwards you are going to miss them.

This world works in a screwed way. Well if so then what is the problem? After all what in this world is not complicated?

I have an idea which is, that at the beginning of the time when human beings known as early man came to be present on earth, the things were simple. You could touch a flower and it would smile at you, you could lie on the ground and it would hold you in its womb, you could sit by a tree and it provided you with a shelter and many more things like that.

Sounds simple, no?

But with human came anger, jealousy, competition, greed and words having meanings somewhat similar to them. This is what led to the simplicity being screwed.

Now simple is operating a mobile by a toddler, chatting on skype with a dear one, watching whole world through internet and so much more. It is said simple but it has a huge labyrinth of algorithms and extra mind working just to fulfil a wish, to meet with greed and not needs. We have made our lives simply complicated.

To simplify the complications we provide it with some more complication. And this continues.

Now in place of flower we touch metal and glass molded into desired needs(greed), lying on the fluffy cotton bed is more pleasure and we have concrete buildings to cover us(our shelter). This is what is simple to us.

I see I have flowed in my thoughts around here and I see how complex it is, from change to time to simple to complex. Such is the transformation in our lives..

I sitting here operating my laptop and sharing my view with the world is simple now. Is it really?

Space

He- Why wont you talk to me? Say something.

She sighed. He repeated himself again.

She- Remember how you told me that i don't let you be free?

He- Yes. What about it?

She- I am giving you all the space you have always wanted. You don't have to worry about talking to me anymore.

डर

बेवक़्त एक आहट जगा जाती है हमे नींद से
वो सिरहाने आके बाल सहलाते हैं प्यार से
जैसे मोह जुड़ा हो हमसे कोई
और हम आँखें मूंदते हैं उनकी इछाओं से

डर लगता है वो दे न पाएंगे
डर लगता है वो कह न पाएंगे
जो वो चाहते हैं सुना बड़े लगाव से

वो कुछ देर बाद उठ चले जाते हैं
नींद हमारी अपने संग लेकर
हम सोचते हैं क्यों है केहना इतना मुश्किल
की हम भी चाहते हैं उन्हें उसी चाह से

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Jaane kyun. .

Jaane kyun. .

Dil mein ek dard chupa hai. .

Adhro pe lawz aake thamm se gaye hain. .

Naraz hai ye sama bhi shayad humse. .

Tabhi Chand tamas mein yun gum hua hai. .