"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

Monday, June 29, 2020

Turmoil

"Tune mere Jana kabhi nahi jana"

Softly crooning to the guitar chords and empty beats.

The pain and despair is evident in your eyes as the song plays on loop.

The love and anguish are moving hand in hand, neither can you be and nor can you leave.

Those moments make or break the relation.

"Oh heart of mine with a song and a whine you're harsh and divine like the truth and a lie."

The persistent reminder of a heartache and faint smile from the backdrop of it all as life unfolds.

You are holding all the cards in your hand but the player in front of you is controlling all your moves and the player in front of you assumes vice-versa for you.

It's hard living with a single decision everyday and then we ask that do we have a choice. But in reality it is the choice we have made. To be or not to be.

In the tough times you got to hold and move on.

"Wake me up when it's all over, when I am wiser and I am older."

Thursday, June 04, 2020

Pestilence stricken


How many times you have opened and shut the balcony gate. The heart is tired and the mind yearns for some space.

The constant ticking of the clock and monotonous routine. This is the caged feeling where your head feels heavy. Round the clock, every second, every minute, every hour and this eternity that seems to be going on.

The body is rotting from inside and senses are shutting with constant bickering all around virtually. You know because you got to stay home.

Hobbies have become shackles and the mind is bogged down with the same pattern. When will the breeze of fresh air make the heart feel light? When will we greet some new sights for the sore eyes?

All of a sudden they seem to be distant memories. The atmosphere is plagued and I have written here a pestilence stricken summary.



Thursday, October 31, 2019

Warmth

Maybe it is for good or maybe not. When you left, the warmth left with you. I thought of borrowing a little of it before you left but I was late. Maybe it is my stupidity and asking for more is what has led you to go.

As far away you walked from me, the winter came in stronger. The blankets did little to save me from the cold my heart was beginning to feel.

Thinking of you sometime, I felt angry at myself. Why should I visit the doors that are closed? why should I suffer to thinking alone?

I didn't have any answer and you wouldn't share the burden of the questions.

The tree I loved to smelt at this time of year, felt no good either. I was there but I wasn't, I am here but I ain't.

I cry just like that, I feel too much all of a sudden, sadness adorns me and I stop thinking. This goes on like a circle.

When you left I felt the warmth leaving. Like the last flicker of a glowing candle before it blows off. And the cold runs through my spine everyday.

Monday, October 28, 2019

Dia

Sab diye bujh gaye,
Ab bas ghana andhera hai..
Shaam jo jali thi armaano se,
Ab kohre mein dubb gai hai..
Dil mein thi kuch baatein ankahee,
Ab nigahon mein bas numi hai..
Woh bolte thay sunenge hume,
Ab bas sannate mein ghadi ki sui hai..


Friday, May 24, 2019

In circles

She looked out from the grilled window, it was very hot and humid but the kids were still running around and playing. It was weird how she wanted to do just the opposite even though she had the light and energy to be like the kids.

Something was not right, things were not falling in place. The more she tried to be happy, the more she sabotaged the chances.

It is too much to just be and do nothing? Yet she was doing just that what took most effort. The future posed questions and she had no answers. Delaying the inevitable reality.

As the sun went down, she sighed. A sigh of relief from the long and hot day. Now she could finally open up the door of her balcony and just feel the cool breeze on her face.

The wait was over for the day to pass. Night was not that difficult. Moreover, most of the night included sleeping.

The mundane and monotonous existence haunted her for days together. She hoped to rise up from the ashes like the phoenix after this flaming fire was over.

Life would flow just like this. To end an ordeal to begin another slowly and happily, till we would tire ourselves out again returning to the mundane and monotonous existence.