Attraction or Love?

She walked skeptical on every path but at times she could just feel it in her bones. It was right there in front of her. She had fallen in love with a guy who in no way could have possibly matched her dreams.

Wait what? She did not have any dream about a guy. She hated boys from a very young age cause well A) The people around her always seemed to say that boys are bad, and B) She grew her own disliking cause of childish incidents.

This guy she had talked with at random was making her happy and she just couldn't shut up. She talked a lot like a stream of water was flowing because the sun has finally shone bright and high making the glacier melt.

This was nine years back. She had fallen in love and she kept falling in love everyday with him. There was nobody else so perfect, not even her father came close. She realized some relations without blood are much more precious than could be defined. 

Today was no different. Her heartbeat sped up the moment she saw him. The smile on her face was automatic and she couldn't stop the butterflies in her stomach. The hugs and kisses were too magical, making her forget about the whole damn world.

She met a guy recently. They talked for sometime. On and off for few months and then she could see something. This other guy was attracted to her and she couldn't make him to stop. This energy in the air was crackling and refreshing. She felt good about herself. She felt different.

At times you need a whiff of the coffee brewing some miles away from your favorite cafe, just so that you know that what you have is so special and nothing can replace it.

Attractions are temporary, they make you feel alive for some time. Its thrilling and the adrenaline rush is amazing. But love makes you feel alive all the time, every time. 

Like water to me..

I looked at the mirror for the umpteenth time.Why?

Because i saw you.I looked the first time and i....i thought i saw you.No that was not it.I went away for sometime and checked again.Yes there you are,still there.And now i am playing at this for so long.Coming,staying,watching,checking and going away.I'll keep on coming and going cause i want to see you within me,mingling with me.Cells with cells,beats with beats,breathe with breathe,scent with scent,you with me.

I am afraid.Of what?

Will i keep looking at you like this.Will you stay or you will fade away?I wish for you to mix,merge,splurge and color me in you.On those sleepless nights when i have felt a whispering in my ears,the hot breathe fanning my neck.The supple lips pecking each inch and pore of me.I am possessed,obsessed and hypnotized.Good or bad? Who cares,this is what i crave,covet,cherish and own.Your significance in my life if you ask,i shall tell you

                        I am parched like a desert land

                      Breathing in and out like a strangled being

                          I feel myself crumbling bit by bit

                       I am voiceless now,only the wind can make you feel

                              I am there somewhere

                                        Will you come searching for me?

                          Cause you are like water to me..

Happy New Year?

I craved to do so many things at once.My eyes opened and closed furiously.What should i do?Cause i cannot fix my mind and heart on a particular thing.Take deep breathes...1...2...3....This was all i could say to myself each moment.Repeating it like a mantra.I thought it would make me reach Nirvana in sometime.I was confused.I made sure that i won't cry this time when the clock struck 12 and there would be no call or message for me..to wish me a happy new year.I had someone special in my mind but that someone was busy that is what i concluded.Even he wasn't in the best of his moods.So when the clock struck 12 and i stared at my cell display which remained the same "Dark",after controlling myself for 15 minutes i could not take it anymore.I cried..the tears flowed and there was no sound coming out of me.At last i picked up my phone and called him at 12:45 a.m. and he was so distant.It hurt me all the more.I somehow hated my decision of calling him.From that day on i decided not to call anyone from myself.To save myself a heartache.

This is what happens with most of the people.But you know what as i always say on the eve of new year or sometime before new year don't go about thinking will he or she call or should i call.Pick up your phone,call that special someone make them feel happy and cherished.And if you can go to there place then just pick up your car or take a public transport to be there for them.Put a smile on there face and wish them a very happy new year.
I am really sorry.This is for the 5-6 people who have given me the leibester award and i haven't been able to pass it on by acknowledging them in a post.Will surely take them up soon and thank you so much for them.
Hope you had a nice year and even if it was a little bumpy i am sure it taught you something.How was yours?And always remember "whatever happens..happens for good."

With this thought wishing you all a very Happy New Year..

Image Courtesy

Close..

Memories weaved through moments,

glacier like they flood my soul tonight!

Wetting my parched heart on the way, 

air of nostalgia speeding past.

Tinging pale blue longing in being,

chilling the dimmed surround Oh! so slow.

Warmth that i sense,

nearing I coadunate with you.

Image Courtesy

Tonight:Sleep with you!

Image courtesy
I looked through the window.And he smiled looking at me.Showered me with his pale milky light,promising me to cradle me in his arms with a subtle sleep tonight.I kissed him and he caressed my forehead.He walked near me accompanied by his beloved adornment the night.Moved a flick of hair to see my closed eyes with the help of his dear friend gentle breeze.I finally had a smile on my face after a long tiring day.To sleep with my moon tonight,i lay bare covered by him today! 

The scent..

A fragrance wafted in the air.I thought i knew it as i was nodding my head with the beats of the song playing on my i-pod.And as i reeled through each song i could find some bits of memories from my life matching with the wordings of the song.Sure thing happens with most of us.So back to the fragrance.I knew that i have felt it before somewhere but where that was the question.

I looked out of my room struggling out of the warm blanket wrapped around me.There was utter darkness and pin drop silence.Then with utmost precision i opened the creaking window.With full care so that it doesn't wakes anyone else.

I looked outside and there was no one but i could feel the scented air.The diffusion had been slow as the scent came in small bits after every absorbing moment.

I got up and went outside.The night looked more beautiful when you can feel it engulfing you.And that is exactly what i felt,one with dark and silence.

I moved through the wet grasses bare foot,as my anklets jingled happily.There was no tree around our house and nor could anyone find a house to call neighbor before walking 3 kms.

I moved on watching the fireflies flying in the tall grasses.The owls eyes shining perched upon a distant tree.The stars were gazing me and moon was lighting my path.I could feel myself going closer to the scent.And there I saw it.The one fragrance that made me way happy.

As i could feel the winter chills advancing with each passing day.And so i realized it's time for it.The circle of white bunches of pretty flowers scattered underneath the tree.It was the saptaparni(Indian Devil tree).

I lied over there covered in night's beauty.Melancholic calling of the owl in my ears.Accompanied with the heavenly scent of the flowers.And i wasn't aware for how long i stayed that way.Only realizing with the first dew drop falling on me that it's time for the sun to shine and fragrance to fade away with light.

Image Courtesy-Alstonia Scholaris i)The tree's Image had been edited with effects which were not in the original image.

To 'Dada'

I don't know what compels me to write this after so many years but something in the back of my mind makes me wish to do this.Though i have never engaged myself in writing something in person as in about myself or share something about myself but today i am doing it for the first time and let's see may be for the last time.

My grandfather..he had expired a longtime back.The only relation i remember having with him was that he used to be around with me and we used to just sleep together side by side..saying or speaking nothing at all.I never used to talk with anyone at my home until and unless i wanted to.So all in all reserved.So was he,he never said or asked me anything just that sometimes used to call out my name.Everyday in the evening time we used to have shondha(evening time) at our home (we have it now also) it was specially done by my Dada as we call him in Bengali.Whenever he used to return with the barkosh(a wooden plate) black in color having little pieces of fruits placed on them,i used to be the first one jumping around and asking for one of the little pieces.Whenever the conch's echo was heard i knew he was done with the boi kaali(to worship a particular deity the ritual performed in the evening) which i used to call book black after i learnt English a bit as in Bengali boi means book and kaali means black.My favorite was the mango and still is.But interestingly being a child of the age 4 or 5 you really can't distinguish what is profit and what is loss for you so whenever i used to know that mango is being cut for the boi kaali i used to wait for the seed wrapped up in little bit of pulpy mango and not the other two parts which were cut and separated from it.

Sometimes we used to smile at each other out of no reason.I had seen him deteriorating in his health and as a child i had no idea what exactly was the problem with him but i knew that something was not correct when he stopped doing the boi kaali.

I just have one snap(which is now lost and image captured by my memory remains) of him smiling and sitting by the side of my Thamma(grandmother) with me in his lap and my cousin brother in Thamma's lap.I wore a polka dotted pink color frock,he a plain white panjabi(a loose fitting long cloak like top) and pajama(loose fitting lower),my Thamma in a saree (i don't remember it's color)and my brother in a shirt and shorts(i don't remember it's color either).Interestingly of this image i just remember what my Dada and me wore and i specifically remember it was my birthday and he was trying to pose while pushing inside the piece of cake inside my mouth.

Another sweet memory that i have beside me is the best possible dessert i could have ever had in my life.It was really simple but i don't know my Dada made it just fabulous it was nothing but some sweet and sour apples shredded nicely and done something after that(that something still remains a mystery to me as he expired before i could have any knowledge of the technicalities of things being made and destroyed).

I loved it and i still love it and i still have the taste of it sometimes lingering in my mouth..

I named it on my own and my elders at home still address it with the name i had once given that unique and delightful dessert which was 'Swadd' ..

So this is for my 'Dada' :) . .You are or you are not but in memory you are and will remain. .

P.S.-From some days i have been sleeping on the same side of the room and bed as i used to with my Dada so maybe he has thought of knocking me to just say a hie to his memories :)