Pestilence stricken

How many times you have opened and shut the balcony gate. The heart is tired and the mind yearns for some space.

The constant ticking of the clock and monotonous routine. This is the caged feeling where your head feels heavy. Round the clock, every second, every minute, every hour and this eternity that seems to be going on.

The body is rotting from inside and senses are shutting with constant bickering all around virtually. You know because you got to stay home.

Hobbies have become shackles and the mind is bogged down with the same pattern. When will the breeze of fresh air make the heart feel light? When will we greet some new sights for the sore eyes?

All of a sudden they seem to be distant memories. The atmosphere is plagued and I have written here a pestilence stricken summary.

मौत

चाहते थे अरसो से गले लगाना जिसे..

वह जब बेसाख्ता रूबरू होने को आई है.. 

फिर अब दहशत में क्यूँ लिपटे हैं ..

की कुछ चंद लम्हात गुज़र ..

हम होंगे मौत के आघोष में  ...

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Voice lost

I tried as much as i could,

and now there is no more.

I failed to have you.

I got rejected.

And I stand here today

stranded and alone

with my voice lost..

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Thing of play

When all doors seem to flood in with a pestilence stricken infectious aura of sadness and you think was it meant for me?

You don't have anyone to turn to,you will scream,call out to someone but all you would get are empty silence with the voice that you hear is of your own echo.A hollow embrace like a projected hologram mocking at you.The shadow marked on the wall would be the one eating away your own soul.

Nothing matters in this mean world does it?

No one cares for you like you are them and not someone else.When you find something happening like this know that it is the you under hypnotism and only getting out of it would be on hearing the sound of a snap and you will come rolling down the hill with a unavoidable thud.
They would tell you in their own diplomatic way that I am there for you just so that they don't loose their worth in your life that they may need you someday withering away in the stagnant claws of grief,for their hunger and thirst they know can be sufficed just by you.
She also had a day like that in her life when she was told that she meant something much more than she thought and then what happened?He ignored her like she was never owned, like she was some kind of rag doll they took to play with for passing time when with no option.Yes! She succumbed to that mellifluous i am one of your own talking hypnotist.When she woke up with the snap she found herself in a dark suffocating bottomless abyss where she continued to slide down more and more.What a unlucky bastard! she didn't even have the assurance of unavoidable thud.Till she encountered it she had to do with her guidance of feelings which were deteriorating second by second.
Prince charming and his conquest to find his maiden has long ago vanished in the folktales and fables of yesteryear.Now you will see him hunting for a temporary acquaintance,a mistress who would tend to him for sometime or rather the time allotted by himself for pleasure with the whore(to him) and then he will kick her out of his way and burn the memory of her in the air like that time period never existed.Promiscuity would be a word only associated to her and for him it just didn't work out.He will go on till he succumbs one day to her flawless dreamed girl.
Love by him would be poetry with skilled heart rendering words to woo the mistresses.With the devastating hunger for pleasure leaving behind debris of broken hearts and shattered emotions.
Devouring your skin,leaving marks with the precision of a beast in frenzy.He will light the flame of devotion in you to be solely his.
She still cries herself each night to sleep by the lamp with closed eyes and as a ritual every time a  prayer escapes those once pink lips now turned pale blue for him to be well,content and happy in life wherever he resides.
Hurt in her life had the very essence that pleasure carried in his world.Tormented her world lays crumbling in front of her and she doesn't know what to reply when the mirror asks her was it i?

The cold of winters melted with warmth of the bodies.

But who knew the spring had different plans!

Realization perched upon her parted lips,

when she saw all the crushed roses,lavender and lilies..

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Rejected!

Rubbing her eyes she was looking for him besides her but he wasn't there.With the sudden need of him by her side she sat up fast to locate him.As she stared wide eyed at the end of the room she saw him standing with folded hands smiling at her.She got up and moved towards him,hugging him tightly.They bound each other in their embrace as if there won't be another for them together.She whispered in his ears softly 'I love you'.He smiled and kissed her on cheeks.

It was all the unnecessary thoughts that she was carrying with herself and they well showed their signs on her.Life had been so unfair to her or so she thought because when you have your own plight to attend you simply forget that their are many around you who might not be even this much privileged to harbor even a shelter for themselves.Endless mind-games that tricked her eyes to wet and rejections of all sorts on her initiatives taken up.She had tried hard to cope and forget the remarks and refresh so that she could make it work again but time and again she failed and she was unable to regain the strength to do the things all over again after some tries.Sitting with crossed legs on her big,empty bed she thought to herself that what is the reason for such failures?Is it that these things were not meant for her or there was something which snatched away her peace and made her impatient which she quiet obvious could not show to the person she meant it for.After a longtime she had decided that she came to be seen as a burden for others and worthless in any work she did.So she disconnected herself from the world which was not the way out really.She had to confront her fears and solve her problems.They say that people don't want to solve their problems even after they know the solution to it. But do they know that for applying that solution they might have to end the very existence of themselves.It killed her to live each day like that,she had thought of ending the life at it's present state but she didn't have enough courage of depressing some people who expected something worth to come out of her someday.She hurted herself time and again.Mentally as was very evident with her failures lined up and physically she chose all the ways to make her go numb and not have a single bit of emotion and feeling left in her.The fairy tale life,rich life,fantasy life,dream life...she wished that these were really possible in the realms of the world she lived in.Illusions had done a bit of relief in her life and she when drunk and lost in abruptness took to the illusions very quickly.Imagining things that weren't real and speaking to someone who didn't even exist in her life.If someone had seen her like that they might have concluded her as mad for sure.When her illusions broke apart and gave way to the unfair world to penetrate back into her mind she sobbed inconsolably and wished she could forever be dropped in those pits of illusions.

One of her works witnessed in the first paragraphs of this excerpt.She opened her eyes,stared into oblivion,inside her stomach she had the same sinking feeling.No one was present besides,she was still alone as she had been.Their was no one to console,no one to love her,no one to embrace her and no one to tell her that yes you can do it.She rushed to her washroom and puked.The last nights drinking had made her illusion to take shape.She splashed water on her face,her red eyes devoid of moisture and they could not cry anymore.She dropped with a thud on the floor and stared the floor as long as she didn't subside to the state she was in before witnessing the illusion of today morning.

Excoriated Soul..

How does it feel to loose your soul? Difficult to answer cause rare ones have felt the existence of soul and some doubt of it being in reality within us.

It just vanished in thin air..there she laid her eyes wide open and she couldn’t say anything, nor move. Like a statue carved out of white marble, those delicate pink lips, deep blue eyes, and spectacular countenance. Time had frozen as she had wished so many times; everything turned cold –her body, mind, heart. The palpitation it stopped, her face was as if she was witnessing utmost calm and peace with a horror still prying her eyes.

One day back she had what she thought the most wonderful feeling of her life, something moved in her, she felt her heart rise with joy, her being drenched with togetherness .She placed her hand on his and he reverted back by putting his on her. Lying there together they had never ever thought that there could be something so wonderful in this whole-wide world. Though the shattering of the inner self of her wasn’t known to him and she bet it that the last blow would bring her down to pieces that could never be rejoined or regaled. Closing her eyes, she intertwined her fingers in his. They lay hugged with each other, she wanted to whisper something in his ears but her words have dried, tears trickled down her cheeks and she couldn’t understand whether it was of joy or of sorrow. She watched his face, it had taken a pale color but yet it seemed satiable, those closed eyes were showing calm, the breathe was signifying harmony. She brushed his hairs away from his eyes with one hand and with the other she caressed his back. His lips turned into a smile and he pulled her face close to his and kissed her lips. The night covered them in the dark aura of enchantment and seeming doubtless love. She watched him whole night sleeping and she was amazed by the fact still that this had happened with her.

Then by the time the sun had rise and his senses were getting ready to wake up ,she had closed her eyes with hands still tightly gripped together and the embrace the same way that it had been in the beginning.

Today she woke up and found herself lying all alone by herself on the bed and she didn’t knew what it meant. She got up afraid and insecure but she crossed her doubts and put up a smile across her face. As she searched all through the places wrapped in a blanket through the bedroom, drawing room, kitchen, balcony and then finally she reached the main entrance door to her house and there on the table by the side of the door laid a envelope. The door was ajar and she picked up the envelope, pulling out the piece of paper read the content

Dear

      Undefined,

                     Yesterday evening and night was something I can never forget ever. I would remember it whole my life. It was a wonderful feeling to possess you inside me and talk with you for so long. I had not slept that way for a longtime and I was so relaxed after I had poured myself out to you. There were some secrets and some fears that I had let you know and I hope you would keep them all to yourself. Before meeting you yesterday evening I had not planned anything and I didn't have the slightest intentions to be like that with you. And I was aghast that I let that all happen. Today morning when I got up and realized what I had done to you and what you might have felt by it I was really ashamed of myself. But I didn’t regret it cause I feel there might be something good behind it. Don’t misinterpret me but I can’t be what I was to you yesterday, it was someone else in me and I am not that and as far as I know I can’t be that. I am leaving for my home today and I wish that we don’t keep in touch. The relation that I had shared with you was very beautiful and I might never come across such a relationship but trust me the reality of life is that whatever begins has to end too and I mean about this relation and this has to end, it has come to it’s end point. Have a blessed life ahead and I am not the one you seek for there might be someone who wants to never end but just be in the beginning with you and I am not that.

                                                                                                                      Yours,

                                                                                                                       Invincible

Yes dear all she was the undefined and he was the invincible. Invincible could not ever define her and Undefined could not ever conquer him. Separations happen to everyone but some are just unbearable and that was the final blow that was being feared and it broke her to pieces and there she lay like shattered pieces of glasses with lost identity and life. She lay there dead out of the sudden expulsion of realization after the dream that proved itself to be so and not reality.

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It..

It poured afresh to meet the end,

melted

molded

mounted
splurged
sucked

splattered

It yearned for another beginning..

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Complete!

This entry is submitted by me for Thursday Poets Rally Week 45,

Trembling hands picked up. 

The white transparent bottle jingled full of pills.

She read the contents and it said tranquillizer.

She opened up the lid, 

thought of popping some inside her.

But her self could not move it ahead to pour.

Bottle slid from her grip,

the rolling pills scattered on the floor. 

Blankly staring the floor she started crying.

Small sobs turned into big hysterical ones.

Sliding on the wall she thudded on the floor. 

A scrapbook laid aside, 

she slept on that numb floor and opened.

The scrapbook slowly turning through pages,

she saw and remembered....

he and she talked 

he and she talked some more

he and she met

he and she came so close

he and she confessed love

he and she hugged

he and she kissed

he and she were unbreakable

he and she never fought

he and she were the best couple

he died...

She is left...

She picks up the gun for once and for all,

a sound of click and she pulls the trigger.

She is also dead now,

and so the scrapbook is complete.

Dead..!!

This entry is submitted by me for Thursday Poets Rally Week 42,

The night was cold.

Atrocious with it's parky winds.

Bare my body laid on grass.

Shivering was witnessed for quite sometime,

all of a sudden my body was numbed.

The tears that were rolling down, 

were as if frozen in the time.

I was remembering all our moments.

And my heart was crying deep down.

The enchanting darkness of night enveloped me.

I tried and carried my being through memories.

To revive you as fresh as dew. 

First all that came was haze,

but the more i fell in the abyss it became clear.

Rain drops touched each skin pore,

and i felt almost ecstatic.

A diabolic spirit that roamed around,

stung me and returned to it's hide.

My blood was mixed with deadly poison,

the Scorpio had got on it's victim's plight.

And with the hushing voice of my breathe,

the splashing sound of drops on me.

My eyes opened up as if staring zenith.

The sweet smell of wet soil, 

that penetrated through my senses.

I found solace lying there cold and dead.

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Accepting the award whole heartedly,

thanks to Jingle who presented me this!

and i nominate Kevin Lamb as rules state

Wish Thursday Poets Rally 42 best place!