"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

If only

I decided i wont talk anymore.I picked up my broken heart and moved towards the exit that i thought was nearest.Coming out i couldn't breathe anymore.Snow flakes touched me softly everywhere,my bare skin tingling to the sensation.I loved him from every bit of my throbbing heart.I told him that but those were on deaf ears.He liked to torture with the diplomacy of not stating the truth.I had left without letting the words out to him "Goodbye" but that was not the way to end.I had left it hanging like he had me.I stumbled with the next step i took on the ice floor that was created almost out of nowhere.Before i could feel the numb ground he held or so i thought and i submerged deep.Sinking where i didn't know,all was dark around.My heart pained.Eyes moistened with the need oozing out of the silly heart.Opening my eyes i could see the crushed petals and i was in land unknown...but i still loved..if only and only just he could understand me....

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I am 18!

Going 18 has its own charms? I don't know really.And as far as in know people have a tag for every year added as a candle on your cake or they simply make one but out of those the stepping into teenage world,turning into adult,entering middle-age and going onto 60's are the most celebrated ones.I feel that before becoming 18 you have many new things lined up for you(mostly).You start to think what would it offer you or rather what is that is so cool about being an adult.Right now i feel like i am standing on a deserted island with what way to choose to cross over is alien to me(It is because of the timing of my birth date ).I am sometimes mesmerized by the beauty surrounding me and at times i just stand and stare totally blank.I am going to make some changes in my life, not that i have chose to but it is important at this phase of my life otherwise i would be one of the left out ones.
You sit somewhere peaceful enjoying a nice cup of whatever you like.You think about the past and what all has made you what you are today.Now there are choices 
A)You remember the bad things.
B)You remember the good things.
C)You remember both.
Now doing A) B) or C) have their own plus and minus points but how would you know that you are doing the right thing.When after finishing that cup of whatever you like you still have that peaceful thinking and ability to judge the beauty of 
your surrounding intact.You have not let your past affect you, rather you have made your decision to move along with whatever you have and to make the best of whatever is going to come ahead of you.That is being an adult(according to what i feel,you can modify or tell your own definition ).
As per these numbers being added to your ages its a judgmental parameter.The government says that you are an adult and have the power to enjoy some advantages that you could not when you were not termed as one.
Whatever i don't feel an iota of change as of now,gradually everything changes in life so its not an attribute of being 18 and adult.But with the coming of this age whether i feel something different or not but i do have to do list to complete my adulthood.
1.My mother bubbling with happiness said you have to now manage your account(Actually she was maintaining it finally she can rest that in my hands).
2.I have to get a voter's id(As if i am eager  )
3.I can get a valid license to drive!!!!!!!!!!(This is the only thing that is making me happy right now )
4.I can go for movies rated A(Adult)(As if i was not watching one when i wasn't )
5.I have to get my passport renewed myself and that too online and if you guys read the newspaper or are doing anything related to passport then you might know renewing passport online is one hell of a task!! And this is because after you are an adult you can get the validity of your passport as 10 years(India) (These are my father's order)
The list can go on but this all what i have right now on my mind and yeah for some,one important thing might be missing.But you have already gone through this phase or going through or about to go through and you know what is that one thing that i have not mentioned here and is pretty obvious  .And this one thing was mentioned to me right at 12 after wishing me.
And most importantly now people can taunt me by pointing out my age and say "You are an adult now it is your responsibility" 
That is that and here i wish myself Happy adulthood and i turn 18 today  and i don't know if it is early to put it like this but i ain't afraid of getting older and neither of dying  If someone at all reads this then do share your 18 or stepping into adulthood in comments!
1.P.S.-I guess i can even booze or is it 21? 
2.P.S.-Co-incidentally i have got my 118th follower as i turn 18.It's you *Dark Angel*
Key to my adulthood!

Wednesday, June 06, 2012


As the moonlight lit the paved boulevard,it almost occurred simultaneously that how for fraction of second it must have been all dark through the trees and still was in some places where the shadow of the tree covered the road.There was no sign of a single soul in that almost ghastly silence.A parky wind blew through the blanket of night.Flickering the candles which she had lit on the post of entry inside the house.Her hairs played in their own tune ruffling and messing up as if almost wanting to follow what the winds wanted.She wanted wings to grow out of her,to be able to tear every bond and fly out high inside the dark black clouds.The melodious tune of the wind chimes penetrated every molecule of the air in vicinity,interrupting her dream to fly.
There are times when you think why did something happen if at all it happened.It is all part of a bigger plan that you are weaving slowly.He has been away for quite sometime,she knew this time he isn't coming back.Her heart screamed in pain but her mind tried to curb it with a logical reasoning.On many days like today they have talked with each other standing on their respective balcony or terrace.Several occasions gifted them with the opportunity to be together in front to be able to touch each other.
She thought to herself what was it that kept them bound to each other for so long and even now in feelings and memories if not any other way.And she remembered something she had heard long back
The gods tie an invisible red string around the ankles of those that are destined to meet each other in a certain situation or help each other in a certain way
It is almost like the concept of having soulmates.It was love that she had for him.Which was in no way distinguishable or comparable to any other feeling she had in her life.Such is the power of love that even the mightiest gods and universe creator have bowed down in front of it.
Shiva(a hindu god) when fell in love with sati because of her pure devotion,love and sacrifice of human life for him was bound with her forever.When she died he could not live like a god.Anger was his display on discovering of her death,nothing seemed right to him without her in his life.He left his home(supposed to be the heavens) and came on earth,he started dwelling a life of Bairagi until and unless he met her reincarnation.
She believed in her love but she was aware that no matter how hard she would want to be with him,she cannot be.A chance to be with him for whatever period possible did make her learn many things.She didn't regret whatever she did with him.Her longing was insatiable.Her mind always asked her Can life come to standstill if he is not there with you? She smiled talking to her mind you won't stop,cause you are not an emotional fool.Then she looked at her heart and said you damned are going to be all for him always.She was touched and possessed by him forever.She bore his mark on her.How much so ever she wanted to be with someone else,it wasn't possible because she was bound in an unbounded and unnamed relation with him.If only she had what he wanted in her,if only he had fallen in love with her,if only it was possible not to share him with anyone..
Falling leaves wishing goodbyes.
Hugging thyself she looks in sky.
Cloaked in the darkness she smiles whispering, 
maybe he is feeling that i am embracing him!

Monday, June 04, 2012

Crimson happiness

I stated in anger 
You don't care!
An iota of what i surrendered to him,
is not what i am asking back.
Still when I look back in his eyes;
I see what i have never seen for myself.
His countenance displaying an atrocious smile,
laced with fatal poison.
As he caresses my face and says
You are my crimson happiness..!

Sunday, June 03, 2012

Sweet Somethings..

She ruffled his hair and giggled.He was sleeping with utmost contentment on his face,on her lap.She didn't knew when it happened.They were watching a movie and slowly he laid down on her lap without his or her knowledge.She was keenly watching the movie,her heart almost jumping out during the thrilling scene.And when it ended she looked down.He looked just like a baby and she was more than happy to have him sleep on her lap.
The sun had been torturing for couple of days but a violent storm followed by drizzly showers were all that was needed to make the weather pleasant.She slowly shut down the laptop.Watching him intently.Blinking was out of question she was so afraid that she would loose the moment any minute now.As he made a cute sound and turned his head,his hands searching for something.He got hold of her hands.And as he brought them near to himself,he smiled.She was amazed by this kind of a reaction.
It had been almost an hour that he was lying like that and she watching him.He woke up rubbing his blurry eyes.She smiled to him.He got up slowly and said..All this while it wasn't a dream?
What are you talking about Mayank?
Ruhani..i dreamt i was sleeping on the most wonderful place ever.
She blushed a bit and eagerly moved in front to hug him.I will love you always for no reasons and these sweet somethings.He bend forward and kissed on her nose.