Real to reel

Jhilik begged him to not leave, said they could make it work. They were both meant to be.

All was on deaf ears as Shoibal begin to inch forward towards the main door. He slung his rucksack on his shoulder and left the house, banging the door close behind him.

She crumbled to the floor as if her whole world had ended right there and then. Sobbing loudly while thumping her palms on the marble floor. Bangles cracked piercing through the skin of her wrist as the blood coloured the floor.

"Cut" said the director.

Everybody applauded watching the pure rawness of the shot.

Getting up from the floor Imon looked at Abir the director with her bloodshot eyes.

Abir cast his eyes down silently. Only they both knew that this was a known piece of reel that had already uprooted their lives in real, five years ago. 

To end somehow. .

There were random thoughts in my mind, none of it was a happy one. It hurt me to relive those memories but I couldn’t help thinking about them. As the wind played with my hairs, I looked out of the bus watching the crowd yet lost someplace else. Everything around was buzzing with sound and chaos. I was shivering from inside but it was almost 38 degrees Celsius outside. I couldn’t sob or cry because people were around me in search of a weak moment to come and enjoy my agony and pain while displaying fake concern. At that point I wish sleep would come and consume my thoughts but it was nowhere near. I climbed down the bus and started walking. I was walking really fast and going faster by the time. It was hurting my feet but I just didn’t want to stop. Sweat was trickling down my face, back and arms. As I reached home I went for a cold shower, that was the time when I could let my tears flow. The warm liquid rushing on my cheeks while the cold water numbed my senses. I wanted to stop feeling.. feeling for myself, for her, for him and for all those who were plaguing my mind with haunting and painful memories. I just wanted them to be happy but they thought I was interfering. Fighting with me, stinging me with sharp words to make me get lost and stay away. I was trying not to breakdown, I knew they need me because they aren’t happy but I was in need of them as well. But they never tried to peek inside me and watch how they are breaking me with them. I have lost so much and I don’t know how to heal myself back. This pain is throbbing in my temples, this gloominess is tying me down to a heavy rock resting upon the earth, cutting me from top to bottom slowly and pushing me now and then to make me fall inside the dark abyss. It was in my nature to fly high like the birds in sky but here I was crushed and tied waiting for the nightmare to end somehow.

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Is your faith dying?

Have you seen your faith die down slowly like the flame of the candle nearing its end? Not that it wasn't there,it was alighted and headstrong.But it is just nearing its end and you cannot do anything.Nothing you do is sufficient to make it stay.You just leave it be and it tangles further.Tangles with your hopes and wishes.If you want to continue you have to kill your hopes and wishes.That is fine right?They can be killed.But what do you do about a need?Can you do without the needful?

It is calm and patient but it seems like the ominous silence before the mighty storm which would shake everything to the very core.

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