"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

Total Pageviews

Showing posts with label Flowing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flowing. Show all posts

Friday, March 04, 2016

The other world.

Do you wish you had a different life? The life right now, well, it is just not what you want.

I always have a thought at the back of my mind that there is a parallel universe that has a life like I imagine. You can imagine whatever pleases your mind and that is happening, not here, but in the other world, right now.

As little as the possibility of ever clashing with the other world seems, imagine if that ever happens?

I think either life will get totally sorted or it will be damn chaotic, there can be no middle way out.

At times there are wishful thinking where I want a happy ending to some chapter of my life, at times I wish for something to start or something to end and there are again plenty of other possibilities depending upon where your mind takes you for a ride.

Do I want to go to the parallel world and live my imagination? No.


I crave for stories and story tellers. I would love to see what happens in my other story/stories. Till then lets live and watch story of this world. 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Fragmenting. .

I start to put them together.
But they move away,
as if they have their own legs.
I cry out in frustration.

And I say..
“I brought you here,
you were born out of me.
I didn’t give you your own mind and will.”

They laugh at me, mocking my anger.
I run behind each of them.
Trying to collect and put them back together.

I stop abruptly, as I see a shadow nearing me.
It is huge.
How is that possible?
I did not create something so big.

The giant feet is about to land on me,
I wake up with a shrill ring.
Oh! Thank god, it was just a dream.
My words are not running anymore it seems.





Friday, July 06, 2012

What comes with life?

Right from the beginning of my world there were things i din't understand and still don't.Earlier their was confinement.I didn't like to share my world with almost..well..anyone.I was alone,all was for me whatever i did i din't have to think about any second person.Restrictions had their own meanings and partly i accepted them because i felt secure in the restrictions almost from an invisible monster.Introvert as they call was what i liked to be.Many people knew me by name and sometimes actions but most of all they called me weird or crazy.They warned every other new girl around me before they got to know me that i was someone who was not to be interacted with.I din't mind cause i loved my privacy.At home their was no one either.I was scared of every little thing happening around me.Ghosts,nightmares,strangers and night was all frightening to me.And that was what was used for frightening me,to get me under control.The rooms used to crumble under the harsh noises from the fights in my family and i didn't have any say in that.I watched pain inflicted,submission and then again back to normal.It was almost a daily affair and seemed normal after around two-three years.
The very term socializing created a eerie picture in front of me and i avoided to step into the unknown world.I loved my own company though i don't know if i loved myself or not.
The incorrigible core of me was for no one.I started interacting people got to know me they stayed close,ditched and went away.It hurt a lot at first cause i had opened up and it was what made me dependent.I hated myself for being such a cry baby.Then i discovered a pattern through all the ditching and decided to bar entry even if what i had opened was a little part of me.I know most about a person but the person in front of me doesn't know me.Yeah they know what i do and what i don't but that is not what is me.I crashed myself,regained and molded myself back up to live.
Their is a facade on my face that is still hiding me.The timid,shy,innocent and good for nothing me.I am afraid yes i am to get hurt after being known for who i really am and left.
The derisiveness of life compels me then to shed tears that i so badly keep inside.Life given to me from whosoever it is believed to be the ultimate power has a emissary.But through it we have so much more to go through which is not planned by us but our actions that give away to them.
To put on a demure personality and walk forward in front of the world.Saying yes when they say yes and saying no when they say no is how the world works.It doesn't have place for the incompetent and helpless.Either you do as said or you can live on your own whims and wishes but with a beware that you don't get to be known to anyone and by stroke of luck only that you get something to live on and earn.
One fine day when i had decided to let someone come near me i saw all the unavoidable pictures weave in front of my eyes.I was yet to commit to anyone else rather than myself.They had assured me that they would be by my side to help me overcome my sorrows.They had failed miserably in that task.They had let my hopes down and made me damn dependent on them.Once more my world crumbled as i longed yet on the broken words said to me.The weight of  betrayal let loose on me and a feeling of being used shook through me.I was just but happy about the fact that they had not committed to me yet it shoot daggers in my heart cause i oh so badly wanted them to say to me that yes they commit to me.I fail to decipher what is life teaching me.I am yearning like a nincompoop.And i hate that i still surrender to their mellifluous talks and my anger vanishes at the very mention of them.An illusion curbing the mind.And i wish i had known and understood "the little you have to love the less you are attached to world"
Is life a play?
Yes it is and we are the actors/actresses as Shakespeare has long told us about life in his sonnet Seven ages of man.A circle,a vicious one is drawn around us as we experience life.
Moving in circles with the part and parcel life is offering to us.But we are the ones to choose and if we don't have a choice we got to make one to really live life.Freeing ourselves from the trap that life has lured us into.Step forth onto rainbow.
P.S.-It was written in first person but these are just the thoughts of the writer and not their own story.


Friday, May 25, 2012

Undefined bond..

It was rather a tiresome day and she wasn't finding solace in whatever she did.As soon as she changed her clothes and kept her head on the pillow to sleep, her cell vibrated.Wondering who could be calling her this late she just picked it up without even seeing the number she said Hello.No response from the other side strange so she looks at the number.A deep surprise plus shock wave hits her its him its him her mind screams and her heart is doing somersaults.
Hey say something
I did say.I said hello
He started laughing
She couldn't suppress her but she chose it to be mute and didn't show him.
He exclaimed What happened was it too bad that you are so silent?
I just don't know.I mean finally you remember to call me after telling me five days back that you would ring me up in ten minutes.Does my watch work too fast or yours is too slow?
Oh! I said that i would call?Is it?
Yes Mr. you said so and you didn't.That's why the silence wasn't fun and your laughter not infectious.
Hmm..Ok tell me what would make you laugh?
You figure that out.Do some work you lazy bum.
Hahahaha..How would a hug work for you?
Don't say or ask.Just try!
Tell me where do i have to meet you?
What?
Where and when do you want to meet me?
How can you be so nice I mean how did you figure out i wanted you to meet me?
See that smile playing on your lips.
Okay okay i give up I am smiling but you have to meet okay?
Of course idiot i would meet you and so i said where do you wanna meet me.
Okay tomorrow we both take day off from whatever we are doing and meet up some place then decide what we are going to do.
Alright!Meet me at the same station at 9 in the morning.
Done! Okay talk to you later.Now i am so damn tired and sleepy though didn't want to say so but now that we are meeting it seems alright to say so.
Okay.Take care and keep smiling.
I love you.You keep smiling too.See you.
See you.
All smiles she was and sleeping meant direct getaway to heaven and letting out plans of what to do with him tomorrow.In the morning she woke up rather early.It was 5 on the clock and she said to herself good for me, would do everything taking lots of time.Her favorite red color kurti and the black jeans. Accessorizing herself with a silver bracelet,a fragile looking chain with a butterfly pendant and those oxidizers which he had gifted him.She applied kohl to her eyes,mascaras on her eyelashes,a sweet light pink lipstick and a silver bindi complementing her whole attire.
She glanced at the watch it was 8:30 am.She exclaimed perfect timing now i'll be there just in half an hour.Jingling her house keys she reached the station in an hour and messaged him
Where are you?
After ten minutes her cell beeped Look around and find me :)
Don't fool around.Tell me where are you?
I can see you miss red and black ;)
Hey..that means you are around somewhere but where?
That is what you are going to find out :D
Caught you B)
So come near me
Stupid stop messaging i am in front of you
First you.
She spoke ok now stop.They both giggled like a fresh,new,happy couple.What the others didn't know was that they were not actually couples and that they have known each other for very longtime.
Do you have water?
Yes! For you my eminence.Here! All yours.
Hahaha..I knew you would have water.
Yes i bring it for you every time.
He looked at her all the while he was drinking water.His mind jolting into thousand of flashes.He had imagined more than a day with her in those few seconds.She could sense he was going somewhere else through her eyes.She smiled and asked so what next?
You tell me.You have anything in your mind?
Yes i do.How about we hit either your place or mine.
A naughty laugh lingered on both of their faces and he held her hand without saying anything and she let him take her wherever he wanted to.She had full trust on him and that she could never have on anyone else ever.He bought the tickets.Handed her one and took one for self.They entered the train.It was jam-packed and he held onto her hands tightly and she hugged him tightly.It took them one hour to reach the destination.And as she stepped out of the train she knew where were they heading to.They finally reached his place after fifteen minutes.He opened the lock and they both entered.She sat on the sofa and said Aaann..advancement you got a sofa.
Just for you madame(he said smiling gingerly)
She laughed and asked him what he was upto.He came after a some minutes and said hop on the bed.He had a coffee mug in his hand and as soon as she was called she hopped on the bed.He said sip it,she looked at him surprised.He pushed it towards her and then letting the brim in contact with her lips.She sipped and then he sipped from the same mug.He kept it aside and hugged her.Then he slowly looked at her.Her eyes were closed.
Rudhira?
She didn't say anything.He closed his eyes too and neared with the feeling of the heat emanating from her cheeks.His lips met hers and she didn't struggled to go away.Sinking as if into the unknown crevices of which ends were unknown.He tasted the creamy bitter-sweet flavor of the coffee mingled with butterscotch balm she had applied.She could taste the coffee on him.Her hands moved carelessly over him.She couldn't believe what she was doing neither did he know what was happening.Penetrating through and through into each others breathe they could hear each others heartbeat.She was feeling like ice,which was melting with every touch of his.She didn't know to loose control or retreat back.Retreating back wasn't a option it seemed and she gave in with hearty pleasure.
She parted her lips,he looked at those eyes they were still close.Both shed off their inhibitions.They weren't ashamed of finding each other laced in arms bare and being each others cover.Embrace had its whole new meaning redefined for him and her as well.He pulled the blanket over climbing on top of her.He kissed her cheeks,neck,belly and she was let into a delusional world.She was moaning softly and let out Devoid of breath Paarth..
He instantly felt her need rushing towards her lips.His light stubble scratching her soft skin and teasing them with consequent goosebumps as sign.They just couldn't resist the force binding them.He was kissing her so intense while hands working on her arms and shoulders.She was holding onto his hair so tight.Feeling each other as they traversed ages into each other.Their hunger devouring each other accompanied with ferocious growls and bites.She sighed all the more..she was not able to distinguish anything as she felt it like as if in a dream in her reality.They synced and merged with each other becoming one.Holding onto each other tightly,her nail scratched his back and his teeth engraved on her shoulders.A calm took over all of a sudden a rush of pulse and at the same time stop of breath.They fell into a deep trance.The pain mingling with joy.She felt it moving.He identified giving away himself to her.The ephemeral moment etched in deep silence.They slept facing each other sideways hugging each other as to never let go.He bit her ears playfully,she giggled.He then whispered in her ears did you want it?
She opened her eyes looking at his face.His eyes were closed now,she caressed his hairs and she saw tears trickling from the corners of his eyes.She smiled and kissed him everywhere.Then replied him i know this is what we had wanted for so long.She held his hands tightly,putting her face in his chest.He hugged her in that urgency.
They remained that way for way too long.
Seemingly never returning back from their trance...

Friday, August 19, 2011

Rejected!

Rubbing her eyes she was looking for him besides her but he wasn't there.With the sudden need of him by her side she sat up fast to locate him.As she stared wide eyed at the end of the room she saw him standing with folded hands smiling at her.She got up and moved towards him,hugging him tightly.They bound each other in their embrace as if there won't be another for them together.She whispered in his ears softly 'I love you'.He smiled and kissed her on cheeks.


It was all the unnecessary thoughts that she was carrying with herself and they well showed their signs on her.Life had been so unfair to her or so she thought because when you have your own plight to attend you simply forget that their are many around you who might not be even this much privileged to harbor even a shelter for themselves.Endless mind-games that tricked her eyes to wet and rejections of all sorts on her initiatives taken up.She had tried hard to cope and forget the remarks and refresh so that she could make it work again but time and again she failed and she was unable to regain the strength to do the things all over again after some tries.Sitting with crossed legs on her big,empty bed she thought to herself that what is the reason for such failures?Is it that these things were not meant for her or there was something which snatched away her peace and made her impatient which she quiet obvious could not show to the person she meant it for.After a longtime she had decided that she came to be seen as a burden for others and worthless in any work she did.So she disconnected herself from the world which was not the way out really.She had to confront her fears and solve her problems.They say that people don't want to solve their problems even after they know the solution to it. But do they know that for applying that solution they might have to end the very existence of themselves.It killed her to live each day like that,she had thought of ending the life at it's present state but she didn't have enough courage of depressing some people who expected something worth to come out of her someday.She hurted herself time and again.Mentally as was very evident with her failures lined up and physically she chose all the ways to make her go numb and not have a single bit of emotion and feeling left in her.The fairy tale life,rich life,fantasy life,dream life...she wished that these were really possible in the realms of the world she lived in.Illusions had done a bit of relief in her life and she when drunk and lost in abruptness took to the illusions very quickly.Imagining things that weren't real and speaking to someone who didn't even exist in her life.If someone had seen her like that they might have concluded her as mad for sure.When her illusions broke apart and gave way to the unfair world to penetrate back into her mind she sobbed inconsolably and wished she could forever be dropped in those pits of illusions.
One of her works witnessed in the first paragraphs of this excerpt.She opened her eyes,stared into oblivion,inside her stomach she had the same sinking feeling.No one was present besides,she was still alone as she had been.Their was no one to console,no one to love her,no one to embrace her and no one to tell her that yes you can do it.She rushed to her washroom and puked.The last nights drinking had made her illusion to take shape.She splashed water on her face,her red eyes devoid of moisture and they could not cry anymore.She dropped with a thud on the floor and stared the floor as long as she didn't subside to the state she was in before witnessing the illusion of today morning.

Friday, December 31, 2010

Reading..

Flipping
tossing
turning
bending
crumbling
tumbling
rumbling
rambling
imagining 
folding
feeling
thinking
missing
tearing
clipping
catching
clicking
tricking
playing
flashing
romancing
annoying
irritating
numbing
loving
caring
fighting
happening
boring
brooding

Life the book..currently i am reading it..and i can see this all happening with me..Still writing on each line with each moment that is passing by..It's almost finished yet there remains a lot.Well it will continue i don't know till when but here is wishing everyone a very Happy New Year 2011

Thursday, December 16, 2010

It flies away..

Catch it;
it vanishes.
Hold it;
it evaporates.
Touch it;
it powders.
Race it;
it outdoes.
Follow it;
it haunts.
Live it;
it's eternal.

It always flies away..only thing that remains is the memory of the times..

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The enigma


Enlightening hues putting in a fire,

My heart and soul are on top of desires.
Captivating glance of your mesmerizing eyes.

The cool breeze attitude bearing you thrive.

You come across my eyes i see you.
The enrapturing aura that you possess,
Divulges infinite numbers of spells,
dissipating in every direction they fly.
Some go close,some choose to remain far behind.
Enkindling a tear in some thoughtful eyes.
Together with enunciating rules for thy.
You become logan; 
or melting through the crevices 
like drops of falling quicksilver liquid.
You gulp down the universe
as well as create a huge cosmos,
galore of deeds perform throughout.
Like nova you act at extremes all time.
Winkle out eukephalin or
make the surround gay as you go about.
Passion-fruit sometimes
or become the none.
Its all your power you keep
on experimenting ever after.
Don't give a damn if
others react or remain to shun.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

One day it will flow out..

It's in there no matter how hard you try,
It is sticking there in heart no matter how hard you pull;
It is beating with each second of time,
It is plucking each emotion out of you,
It is pricking each pore of your skin,
It is fluttering with every whisper you make,
It is compressing with each no you reply,
It is numbing with every cold word you throw,
It is penancing for every moment that passes,
It is sticking there in heart no matter how hard you pull,
It's there no matter how hard you try;
But it will flow out one day ,
And then there would be all smiles or all tears 
Too cumbersome to be explicable.. 

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

आपसे मिला दिया ..


रब से हमने दर्द था माँगा, 

आसमान में उगता नया सवेरा दिखा दिया |
रब से हमने ख़ुशी थी मांगी ,
रहो में बिलक्ता एक बच्चा दिखा दिया |
रब से हमने दिल था माँगा ,
उसने तन्हाई के लम्हे दिखा दिए |
रब से हमने अकेलापन था माँगा,
दिल को छुते कुछ दोस्त भेज दिए | 
रब से हमने आसूं थे मांगे ,
हस्ता हुआ एक नन्हा फ़रिश्ता दिखा दिया | 
रब से हमने थी मांगी मौत अपने लिए, 
उसने हमे आपसे मिला दिया .....||