Warmth

Maybe it is for good or maybe not. When you left, the warmth left with you. I thought of borrowing a little of it before you left but I was late. Maybe it is my stupidity and asking for more is what has led you to go.

As far away you walked from me, the winter came in stronger. The blankets did little to save me from the cold my heart was beginning to feel.

Thinking of you sometime, I felt angry at myself. Why should I visit the doors that are closed? why should I suffer to thinking alone?

I didn't have any answer and you wouldn't share the burden of the questions.

The tree I loved to smelt at this time of year, felt no good either. I was there but I wasn't, I am here but I ain't.

I cry just like that, I feel too much all of a sudden, sadness adorns me and I stop thinking. This goes on like a circle.

When you left I felt the warmth leaving. Like the last flicker of a glowing candle before it blows off. And the cold runs through my spine everyday.

Betrayed

There is a hollow I can feel it inside me. It has seeped deep inside my bones. I am grieving like I never have. There are no tears, you cant find a single trace of grief on me. It is inside of me secured and tight.

The loss that I had not been able to keep my words. It does not hurt that the words I said have lost their essence and no longer valid. It is heavier than that, I was sincere when I had said those words. But I have betrayed myself, gone back on sincerity.

I had cried once when I saw people change in front of me. They did not keep their words. One after another each of them left me like that, repeating the same pattern. The hurt was evident in me for sometime. With time healing does take place. I saw the hurt fade and the memory boxed into the farthest corner of my mind.

But today, I cannot cry. I am not able to. I have changed. How does one forgive themselves for betraying themselves?

I don’t know. The hollow has grown larger and I am loosing touch with the things that mattered once. The gap is so humongous that people are afraid to cross it to reach me.

What about me?

I don’t see where can I land even if I cross the gap. Where is my destination? Where am I suppose to land?

Its all blurry, empty and unending. The tunnels of my thoughts are spiraling out of control like the smoke that wafts away from the cigarette only to be invisible after sometime. You cannot trace the smoke, it has left you to puff more of them and mock you as you blow one after another wisps in hopes to follow it till the end. 

The void

Banishing every thought in my mind was possible or so i thought.Huge canvases of black laid in front of my closed eyes waiting to be given colors.I don't like colors that much but still they screamed to me to paint them.I am yearning for the void ,to reach stability.The non-existent part of me.My esoteric insignia different from every other known.I dwell in my ethereal void but without my knowledge when i sleep and slip into the realms unknowns.

A electric jolt like sensation crosses every cell of my body.As suddenly i lie with open eyes now staring at the very same spot continuously ,infinite number of memories cross my eyes.Covered in blanket embracing myself as yet i shiver in the cold night.And floodgates of the blocked thoughts open as each of them try running in front of the other through the thick coat of layered silence.

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