There were random thoughts in my mind, none of it was a
happy one. It hurt me to relive those memories but I couldn’t help thinking
about them. As the wind played with my hairs, I looked out of the bus watching
the crowd yet lost someplace else. Everything around was buzzing with sound and
chaos. I was shivering from inside but it was almost 38 degrees Celsius outside.
I couldn’t sob or cry because people were around me in search of a weak moment
to come and enjoy my agony and pain while displaying fake concern. At that
point I wish sleep would come and consume my thoughts but it was nowhere near. I
climbed down the bus and started walking. I was walking really fast and going
faster by the time. It was hurting my feet but I just didn’t want to stop. Sweat
was trickling down my face, back and arms. As I reached home I went for a cold
shower, that was the time when I could let my tears flow. The warm liquid
rushing on my cheeks while the cold water numbed my senses. I wanted to stop
feeling.. feeling for myself, for her, for him and for all those who were plaguing
my mind with haunting and painful memories. I just wanted them to be happy but
they thought I was interfering. Fighting with me, stinging me with sharp words
to make me get lost and stay away. I was trying not to breakdown, I knew they
need me because they aren’t happy but I was in need of them as well. But they
never tried to peek inside me and watch how they are breaking me with them. I
have lost so much and I don’t know how to heal myself back. This pain is
throbbing in my temples, this gloominess is tying me down to a heavy rock
resting upon the earth, cutting me from top to bottom slowly and pushing me now
and then to make me fall inside the dark abyss. It was in my nature to fly high
like the birds in sky but here I was crushed and tied waiting for the nightmare
to end somehow.
