There is a hollow I can feel it inside me. It has seeped
deep inside my bones. I am grieving like I never have. There are no tears, you
cant find a single trace of grief on me. It is inside of me secured and tight.
The loss that I had not been able to keep my words. It does
not hurt that the words I said have lost their essence and no longer valid. It
is heavier than that, I was sincere when I had said those words. But I have
betrayed myself, gone back on sincerity.
I had cried once when I saw people change in front of me.
They did not keep their words. One after another each of them left me like
that, repeating the same pattern. The hurt was evident in me for sometime. With
time healing does take place. I saw the hurt fade and the memory boxed into the
farthest corner of my mind.
But today, I cannot cry. I am not able to. I have changed. How
does one forgive themselves for betraying themselves?
I don’t know. The hollow has grown larger and I am loosing
touch with the things that mattered once. The gap is so humongous that people
are afraid to cross it to reach me.
What about me?
I don’t see where can I land even if I cross the gap. Where
is my destination? Where am I suppose to land?
Its all blurry, empty and unending. The tunnels of my
thoughts are spiraling out of control like the smoke that wafts away from the
cigarette only to be invisible after sometime. You cannot trace the smoke, it
has left you to puff more of them and mock you as you blow one after another
wisps in hopes to follow it till the end.
