"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

Friday, August 19, 2011


Rubbing her eyes she was looking for him besides her but he wasn't there.With the sudden need of him by her side she sat up fast to locate him.As she stared wide eyed at the end of the room she saw him standing with folded hands smiling at her.She got up and moved towards him,hugging him tightly.They bound each other in their embrace as if there won't be another for them together.She whispered in his ears softly 'I love you'.He smiled and kissed her on cheeks.

It was all the unnecessary thoughts that she was carrying with herself and they well showed their signs on her.Life had been so unfair to her or so she thought because when you have your own plight to attend you simply forget that their are many around you who might not be even this much privileged to harbor even a shelter for themselves.Endless mind-games that tricked her eyes to wet and rejections of all sorts on her initiatives taken up.She had tried hard to cope and forget the remarks and refresh so that she could make it work again but time and again she failed and she was unable to regain the strength to do the things all over again after some tries.Sitting with crossed legs on her big,empty bed she thought to herself that what is the reason for such failures?Is it that these things were not meant for her or there was something which snatched away her peace and made her impatient which she quiet obvious could not show to the person she meant it for.After a longtime she had decided that she came to be seen as a burden for others and worthless in any work she did.So she disconnected herself from the world which was not the way out really.She had to confront her fears and solve her problems.They say that people don't want to solve their problems even after they know the solution to it. But do they know that for applying that solution they might have to end the very existence of themselves.It killed her to live each day like that,she had thought of ending the life at it's present state but she didn't have enough courage of depressing some people who expected something worth to come out of her someday.She hurted herself time and again.Mentally as was very evident with her failures lined up and physically she chose all the ways to make her go numb and not have a single bit of emotion and feeling left in her.The fairy tale life,rich life,fantasy life,dream life...she wished that these were really possible in the realms of the world she lived in.Illusions had done a bit of relief in her life and she when drunk and lost in abruptness took to the illusions very quickly.Imagining things that weren't real and speaking to someone who didn't even exist in her life.If someone had seen her like that they might have concluded her as mad for sure.When her illusions broke apart and gave way to the unfair world to penetrate back into her mind she sobbed inconsolably and wished she could forever be dropped in those pits of illusions.
One of her works witnessed in the first paragraphs of this excerpt.She opened her eyes,stared into oblivion,inside her stomach she had the same sinking feeling.No one was present besides,she was still alone as she had been.Their was no one to console,no one to love her,no one to embrace her and no one to tell her that yes you can do it.She rushed to her washroom and puked.The last nights drinking had made her illusion to take shape.She splashed water on her face,her red eyes devoid of moisture and they could not cry anymore.She dropped with a thud on the floor and stared the floor as long as she didn't subside to the state she was in before witnessing the illusion of today morning.


Simran said...

Hi Snehu,
It's been so long I read your posts..
But finally I'm here and very surprised to read this wonderful post!
Your way of expressing emotions is so beautiful that I can imagine the scene and can feel the emptiness and pain of the character!

Happy that you're trying different ways of writing :)

Take care..Hugs :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

I thought the story was running in the present in the first stanza and the rest was flashback.

Perhaps, I was wrong.

Interesting story.

Blasphemous Aesthete

the other side of me said...

hmm..pain of rejection..

very nicely written darling

you're really good with words

take care

P.S : I miss u <3

rivercat said...

yes this is a wonderful description of feelings.
very enjoyable

DRSHN said...

Just awesome !