"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Hanged in space..

Standing on her terrace her mind roamed about in sheer randomness.She was thinking about her days happening not so happening she murmured to herself.In need of something her heart ached and she looked down into the empty dark space beneath her eyes which were now wandering outside the boundary of the secure railings of the terrace.
Parky wind flew from the front and she felt all her senses going numb as if they were trying to make her go calm and feel the chill right down her spine.How does it make a difference to the person she might be thinking about right now?Why does she have to think about that person and not about herself?
Each question produced a secondary..tertiary and so on and so forth questions ahead.Reeling in her mind like some unstoppable fierce wave engulfing with each proceeding.The aura of the night which was starting to mix with the pure white sky also couldn't soothe her to cease her from thinking.
She lied down on that dirty terrace floor avoiding any further questions flooding her mind.As she withdrew to watching the merger of the white and black she decided she would let her mind stop just for once.Her heartbeat rose a million times or so she imagined.A sense of excitement,enthrallment and nervousness gripped her whole being as she saw a number flash on her mobile screen.
She couldn't react to it fast cause she had time absorbing the very fact that the very thing she wished she could cut off from had given its hand out to her as if to stop her from falling in the unknown horizon.She pressed that small green color tab on her cell and bringing it in position to talk she said "hello"
But her voice was not heard as if the very sound produced inside her didn't come out and got lost in the mysterious realm of world.She tried again this time with much greater effort and finally said Hello..
She didn't hear anything back cause she didn't know what the other voice would say because her realistic world didn't allow her imaginary friend to become alive and reply.She had felt so lonely that she created a imagination out of her loneliness.She stared the mobile screen and laughed at her own conditions.How sane she was some months ago and how one confession has left her shattered and ruffled.
She replayed the conversation in her mind once again.That very day when she had confessed and revealed something she had concealed long even from herself,her heart,her soul..
Rudhira tried hard to understand..walk ahead..accept changes..but she was unable to and she always wished the things would fall in place just like she had seen them in the beginning with him.Paarth had been too adamant..not understanding a single feeling she would hint him with..Sometimes occupied with himself so much that he ignored the very fact of her being with him.
If she had a magic wand and she could tell him how much she was bearing right now within her..how much she wished that he enter her..how much she wished to meet him and let know what is desire,longing, belonging and possessiveness according to her..how much she wished him to know that how jealous it made her to know of someone else..
Paarth has been in his dream world for too long..has discarded the fact of understanding with heart..has gone too far..
She has left the stains of her cry on him..wishing one day that he would understand that what it is to be alone despite the fact that you had surrendered yourself with all your heart and soul to someone you understood..trusted..desired with..hungered the passion and lust equally with..and let the flaws be called perfection..
Is she not worthy of his choice?..is she not anything to him?..Is loving not enough to let him never leave her?..
She wished this ends soon..she wishes its not slow and painful..she wishes and she stares down watching the ground resembling an unending dark abyss..
She falls each time down and hard as she looks..she dies hundred deaths every moment missing his presence..she dies everytime she watches the solitary road welcoming her to submerge inside it..she dies watching the deep lake with its blue welcoming tinge..she dies everytime piercing herself with sharp edges to break the dream..she dies everytime watching the eager fire flame..she dies every time he wafts away her feelings like smoke in air..she dies every minute he spends with someone who didn't belong to him..
Patience has died down..eyes have lost their tears..saturation has been attained..wait is too short a word to describe the pain right now..

8 comments:

Cяystal said...

Solitude ain't always bliss, no?
and .. its often to late one realizes that a "they" is not meant to be with a certain you and I.. sigh!
This was beautifully crafted though. Kudos. :)

Rahul said...

pain....and...agony...loved it..:-)

Lilangel said...

Painful !!

Krishnapriya said...

What is too short a word to describe what I felt reading this? wonderful? excellent? I am out of words hear.. this is a lovely and gripping tale that I could connect too..! the pain is not just reveled in words, but enters beautifully into peoples heart too.!

Alcina said...

@Crystal
It's how you perceive!
Thank you my dear :)

Alcina said...

@Rahul
Thanks!

Alcina said...

@Lilangel
Heart=breaks and shatters are the other side of life..submerge or live out of it.

Alcina said...

@Krishnapriya
Those were to heavy words for any writer..i am highly honored and my work is done when one can connect and my work enters ones heart.
Thank you so much!