"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

Wednesday, June 06, 2012


As the moonlight lit the paved boulevard,it almost occurred simultaneously that how for fraction of second it must have been all dark through the trees and still was in some places where the shadow of the tree covered the road.There was no sign of a single soul in that almost ghastly silence.A parky wind blew through the blanket of night.Flickering the candles which she had lit on the post of entry inside the house.Her hairs played in their own tune ruffling and messing up as if almost wanting to follow what the winds wanted.She wanted wings to grow out of her,to be able to tear every bond and fly out high inside the dark black clouds.The melodious tune of the wind chimes penetrated every molecule of the air in vicinity,interrupting her dream to fly.
There are times when you think why did something happen if at all it happened.It is all part of a bigger plan that you are weaving slowly.He has been away for quite sometime,she knew this time he isn't coming back.Her heart screamed in pain but her mind tried to curb it with a logical reasoning.On many days like today they have talked with each other standing on their respective balcony or terrace.Several occasions gifted them with the opportunity to be together in front to be able to touch each other.
She thought to herself what was it that kept them bound to each other for so long and even now in feelings and memories if not any other way.And she remembered something she had heard long back
The gods tie an invisible red string around the ankles of those that are destined to meet each other in a certain situation or help each other in a certain way
It is almost like the concept of having soulmates.It was love that she had for him.Which was in no way distinguishable or comparable to any other feeling she had in her life.Such is the power of love that even the mightiest gods and universe creator have bowed down in front of it.
Shiva(a hindu god) when fell in love with sati because of her pure devotion,love and sacrifice of human life for him was bound with her forever.When she died he could not live like a god.Anger was his display on discovering of her death,nothing seemed right to him without her in his life.He left his home(supposed to be the heavens) and came on earth,he started dwelling a life of Bairagi until and unless he met her reincarnation.
She believed in her love but she was aware that no matter how hard she would want to be with him,she cannot be.A chance to be with him for whatever period possible did make her learn many things.She didn't regret whatever she did with him.Her longing was insatiable.Her mind always asked her Can life come to standstill if he is not there with you? She smiled talking to her mind you won't stop,cause you are not an emotional fool.Then she looked at her heart and said you damned are going to be all for him always.She was touched and possessed by him forever.She bore his mark on her.How much so ever she wanted to be with someone else,it wasn't possible because she was bound in an unbounded and unnamed relation with him.If only she had what he wanted in her,if only he had fallen in love with her,if only it was possible not to share him with anyone..
Falling leaves wishing goodbyes.
Hugging thyself she looks in sky.
Cloaked in the darkness she smiles whispering, 
maybe he is feeling that i am embracing him!


Crystal said...

oh so hauntingly beautiful.. "cloaked in the darkness she smiles whispering, maybe he is feeling that I am embracing him." Couple that in with the music on your blog.. makes it so much more real. I can feel this woman's thoughts. her pain.

La Dolce Vita said...

Alcina , you write with such intensity...I do not generally read fiction but when I read your penned down thoughts, I read because of its inherent beauty...there is life in each line you write...each line you write,comes alive with certain unexpressed feelings...deep and personal ...they stir my imagination..it is a rare gift to have an imaginative/perceptive mind..don't think that I am flattering you, think that I am expressing my feelings!
Once or twice, long ago, I wrote about the longings of heart in the form of a short story in my notebook- now I try to express my deep feeling in poems...
Anyway, keep writing,
have a nice day,

Sneha Gupta said...

Its a warm read...!

Richi Baidwan said...

Although it is one of the hardest thing to do but letting go is also sometimes the best. The more one dwells upon the imaginary world of love, the more severe are its repercussions on us.

Letting go is termed as cliched and it is but it is so for a reason.

Life is beautiful and must not be spent upon dwelling in the past but be lived by LÌVING in the present.

I don`t want to sound like a preacher but pardon me if I do.

Green Speck said...

for a few minutes after reading this I was absolutely numbed...so wonderfully you have portrayed this bond of love...awesome writing !!!

*Dark Angel* said...

Nice blog you got here, thanks for your nice comment..though am a bit late to visit yours, but its never too late right? :)

Alcina said...

Thank you so much my dear..i loved the way you felt !!

Alcina said...

@La Dolce Vita
Point taken mam :) THank you so much.I am honored :)

Alcina said...

Quite unusual for this post to be making you feel warm.But if it did then am glad it did.

Alcina said...

No you don't sound like a preacher and whatever you said was valid.But at times its hard to put the mind to right place to work as i had written in the post :)

Alcina said...

@Green Speck
Thank you so much! I am gad it touched you like that.

Alcina said...

@*Dark Angel*
Nope it is never too late provided the words or feelings reach where they should have :)
Thank you
Hope you had a happy visit here!!
Keep chiming..