Tired..

She wore the dress he has seen her wearing the most.She was happy somedays back but not today.He said he will be there whenever she would need him.She had asked him,if he could please spare some time today to be with her on this very day.The reasons were not asked.Non-chalancy was evident in his voice and simply held on the phone he had said "no we cannot possibly meet.." 

Black lines streamed down on her cheeks as she wiped the tears each time a smudged trail inked a map of misery on her countenance.This is not fair she thought to herself.He got back on his words when she needed him the most.She did not give him any reasons as he did not simply want to get bothered further.She waited for the day to end.She could not wait up on him anymore.Hope was leaving her heart.She was tired...and she gave up.. 

Kaash tune jhaaka hota meri nazro mein

dekha hota meri rooh tak

Dard na sahi tujhe dikha

kambakht apne liye pyaar toh dekhta

Bringing back the smile

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 41; the forty-first edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is "SWEET AND SOUR"

I lie awake through the night,

passing every minute of coupled seconds.

To hear the stupid ramblings.

The hush-hush of your breath,

during the pause you decide to take.

For the repeated stories,

cause you forgot that you have told them to me already..

Flipping through the pages of the novel,she tried not to think about him.And how was that possible when she took up a romantic genre.Frustrated she plopped her head down on the open book.Why was it so hard for her mind and heart to work in harmony and say yes at the same proposition.He had said during last call that he was going out of the city for somedays.Yet she was looking at her cell every few seconds,checking if he had called.Tired of waiting she did what she could do the best.Dropping a text to him which he can reply to when he feels fine.Retyping it almost for ten times she hit the send button.An instant delivery report came back to her.Now she waited for his message.Now she laughed at her foolishness.Closing the book she tried to relax and get some sleep.

She blinked open her eyes checking the clock,it was 1 A.M.She peeked in to check whether there were any messages but her inbox still lay dormant.She was close to tears.And then started her monologue Can’t he spare one look at his mobile?And then can’t he just reply for once?At least he could give me a call that he reached…..

A number blinked on her screen,she did not pick it up because already she was riled up and it was 1 in the morning.This was no time to pick calls that too from an unknown number.The number flashed for some time and then again everything was quite.The eerie silence was successful in bringing her sleep back.

After ten days he called her up.She decided she would be blunt about everything and not reply straight.

Hello

What do you want?

Is this what you say as your first line?

Yes.Don’t you know? Oh! Yes how would you,you haven’t talked to me from fifteen days.

He started laughing on the other side.Which only fueled her anger.

Now go on laugh at me.

Who said I was laughing at you honey?

Of course you are.

Ok.Fine.I accept it.Happy?

No not happy.Couldn’t you just reply to my message or give me a call for so many days you were MIA.

Aww..

And now she started sobbing.

Please don’t cry baby.Okay I will tell you why I was laughing.You sounded like a baby while you were saying all those lines.And I called you from some other number when I had got your message but you did not pick it up.

Now she started giggling,hearing his serious tone while he was explaining himself.

Heyyy..not fair now you are laughing on me.

Hehehehehe..No no I was laughing at your tone.

And they both started laughing.Such was their sweet and sour relation.He teased her but made sure to bring back her smile.She knew his ways but still couldn't stop herself from getting played,and then eventually falling for his making up.

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Bereft

He shook her voilently.Moving her face to look at his.
He-What happened?
She-Nothing.
He-Then why are you being like this?
She-Like what?
He-You are not responding to me.
She-Yes i am.
He-Where is your smile?
She-Right here.You are looking at it right now.
He was very angry with her by now.His patience was slowly slipping away as he could see her flash that fake smile.It only told him the damage was far too deep and done.
He-Why won't you answer me god-dammit!
She-That is what I said to you.You were too busy to notice.
And there was silence as tears streaked down her face.He stood there helpless..

Pain. .

She mistook it all from the very beginning.From the very start the lies were packaged in a sweetness which left no room for doubt.Every emotion he had shown or expressed had all been so fake.Now she realized what a deep grave she had dug for herself.Always thinking that whatever good he had said was for her or every mood or moment he described was for her to know.He had just made use of her nicely without letting her know so.It  all had been good when she had no attachment but when someone tells you something lovable don’t you grow a heart for them,well that is what happened to her.In the twilight she looked at the infinite sky with galore of twinkling stars and the moon,thinking about him.
The foolish she was she did not know what had she bargained her life for.The mistake had been done,she had committed her whole life to him.Giving every ounce of herself to him just so that she could see him happy.It dawned but pretty late that all was about him,is about him and will always be about him.
A picture she had seen with him,long desired in her heart  to be true.A hugging picture of a couple,how she wanted it to be her and him.She learned the truth of the picture which left her shattered beyond reconstruction.It was not her that he had in his mind while he looked at the picture but the other girl.Her heart she thought was being twisted and turned from inside as silent tears rolled down her cheeks.She did not know to whom she could turn to or how she could just ask him once.The night sky blurred and she despised the stars and the moon.
All the moments were so hurtful to remember,every word he had said was hard to hold on to.The trust was crumbling slowly.But she did not concentrate on that.Still she was thinking of how she could take away his pain while laying there inside the ruffled sheets besides him.Tangled together yet so detached.She had meant to ask him last night about what was eating him away.Now she knew what was it.That other girl was on her mind and the rest of the puzzle she did not want to assemble them.As scenes from the last night replayed in front of her eyes.....

---

He had been like an animal ravaging each inch and square of her body.She begged him to stop but all in vain.Tonight the pleasure had long surpassed and their she could feel all the pain throbbing throughout her body.As he awoke from the wild trance he realized what he had done to her.Rushing down from the bed in his naked glory he moved past the French doors and out.Tears streamed down her eyes, she was confused.She had known him for quite a long-time this is not how he is she thought.There must be something bothering him to draw him to such limitlessness.
Looking outside the misted glasses,she could make out the firm lining of his back bathed in the moonlight.Gathering strength she stood up slowly from her stupor .Tracing the way he had followed to go outside in the balcony.Enclosing her arms around him from the back,carefully resting her face on his shoulders.As the moist drops touched his back,he flinched.
Removing her arms from around him he turned back,cupping her face in his hands.She gazed at those long artistic fingers,as if all forgotten that had happened some moments ago. He moved her face to look at him.As she looked in his eyes,she could see them pleading  but for what she was clueless.And then she heard his soulful voice,softly nudging her insides as he said “how could you be still here comforting me?”

She gave her broken but yet serene smile bringing her one hand on his face and the other in his hair.After what seemed like eons she hushed “What is hurting you so bad?”

This one question had such an impact on him as he grabbed hold of her waist burying his face in the crook of her neck.Tiny sobs and sniffles accompanying a muffled voice.She held him tight with one hand and the other one caressing his hair.She was hurting physically but hearing him cry like this made her heart break even more.She desperately wanted to take that thing away which made him break so bad.
After quite a lot of time had passed he raised his head still holding her looking into her eyes with his bloodshot eyes.She ushered him inside the room .Lying down slowly on the bed she let him hold her,caressing him,kissing him all over his face and gently humming his favourite songs to him.His eyes were drooping as he held her face in them and finally surrendered to his sleep.Carefully cocooning him she closed her eyes as well,sleeping to have her answers in the morning.

*****

Maybe..

Maybe I am just a passing phase

Maybe I am just a random for you

Maybe I don't deserve love

Maybe I am just your lover

Maybe I tried to reach you

Maybe I was meant to be unheard

Maybe I am left bereft

Maybe I just want to hold you

Maybe I just want to be held

Maybe I failed

Tonight i cease to nothingness as my heart shrivels and my skin shivers.The candle flames hungrily feeding on my sanity.I feel so alone now that you are going away or its just my silly heart,expecting and hurting a little more.The day has ended,night is tearing me apart and i bleed.I am waiting..have waited for you so long.I am trying to hold on really tight the crumbling m/e like the burnt paper whose ashes are flying away.I will linger a bit more,breathe for a while.Hoping against hope for your arrival.The revelations to dawn upon you,stretching my arms wide to embrace you i shall wait for you.....

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