"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Let them know;Happy new year!

Only if i could turn back the time.
Keep telling you how much i love you!
Only if i could hold onto the time when you hugged me.
I don't want you to leave,
and yes i love crying in your embrace. 
Drenching your shirt in my tears.
And right now i am missing you.....!
She wanted it to happen as it happened.She held no grudges or anger against this feeling,actually truly speaking she had never though of it like that.She didn't believe in it,she thought this was all to be written about and in reality nothing was like it.Her world had changed in those fraction seconds,she could have never imagined something so perfect happening to her,maybe for sometime but it was perfect and she was afraid to admit it as so.
She had talked with him for long hours,chatting away merrily about anything and everything.She had given her all to him without even her knowledge.He on the other hand tried to indulge equally in sharing as her.Their relation was not like normal day to day love story..and she had her full doubts that was this even one love story.But never mind she could not define the relation and neither was he able to do it.So they let it be for the moment,they let the question of what are we together and to each other remain unanswered but interestingly enough they even discussed future sometimes of them.Sometime the days used to feel dragging and sometimes the nights without each other in it (things of past mostly).They hung onto each other on silent calls,embraced each other without saying anything and ruled out the presence of a third person between them.These all were as and how their situations permitted.They could not meet that often so they called each other,if they met they made the most out of the meet and wanted just them there.
They had been talking very much,then the frequency decreased but didn't cease.She was hurt that he didn't pick up her call,she thought maybe he is bored of me.She had seen the most supporting and best friendship grow in between them yet she never called him a friend and she didn't want to loose that but yet she took chances and confessed her love for him.It took her quite a lot to say it but yet she thought she had not said it all but she knew she had lots of time to tell him about her love for him.He took to not understanding her and thought that if something was so important and had to be known to him,she will herself tell him.But how could she say all,she wanted him to feel and understand her which she could see was not happening.She had given her all to him and trusted him with the most beautiful to the most ungliest of facts about her.
She didn't regret having such a relation with a man but at the same time she could not help but pity herself for the condition she had pulled herself into.
Even now when he calls her and drops in with a sweet laughter and care for her,she forgets that how much he has hurt her.She wants to see him happy and contented in his life.Deep down inside her heart she knows that she wants him to say something...something which she can hold on to and believe that it is only and specially for her.She doesn't want kindness like to others,she wants what is hers.All she longs for is a honest reply,concern,love,care and some time out of his busy life.
The rocking chair creaked a bit,she was sitting over there with a cup of hot steaming coffee in one hand and a piece of paper in other.There was a thin ray of moonlight penetrating through the shut window.She could feel herself get drenched in the moonlight through the flimsy night gown she had put on that day.Through the the glass she could look at the moon.She was shivering from the chill the winter created.Calming her senses sometimes but it was hard not to think about him and not feel a bit lonely which ultimately intensified the shivers.She stared blankly into nowhere.The bitterness in her just got increasing with each passing moment that got by.How could he do that? was her only question.She had kept this question to herself for the whole time.It burned her and killed her every time she replayed back those lines in her mind.She couldn't take it anymore and finally dialed his number,it didn't take any effort to dial his number every time and she hadn't saved it and she didn't know why she always liked to press those numbers again and again.The call connected and she could hear the ring..
Paarth-How and where have you been all this while?
Rudhira-Nothing just thought would disturb you a little.How have you been?
Paarth-The usual as last time,nothing has changed you know.
Rudhira-Why the hell did you do that?
Paarth-What are you talking about?
Rudhira-I guess i don't want to talk about it but it is giving me hell of sleepless nights.Did you feel good when you touched the girls?when you kissed the girls?
Paarth-What happened?You have never asked me like this and it surely seems to be bothering you.
Rudhira-You won't understand would you?How much it pains to know all that.It stops me from doing anything and i just wish to go into a dark pit where my senses stop working and most importantly i don't need to think.
Paarth-I don't know what to do to ease your pain.Tell me how is everything at home?
He could hear her sob and she cut the call..
She saw the number flashing,he had called again but she just couldn't pick it up..as soon as the whole ring cut she switched off her phone.
She knew that after a day or two of her number saying switched off he would forget it all and she would be the one again initiating with a call.
What love does to one can only be known by the one loving is whats she said to herself.She sipped the coffee and held the hot cup close by herself and images of him,his smile and him sleeping all came to her mind.Eyes were filled with tears and she didn't know how to stop both the images and the tears from coming to her.She never knew that it could change her world upside down like that.She witnessed so many changes in herself after she had fallen in love and she knew that she was irrevocably and devotedly in love with him.

Ending the year with a sad post but never mind won't give a sad wish to you.
I wish all of you are closed to your loved ones celebrating this new year Smiley.Are you away? Dial their number and give them a call,surprise them and let them know how special they are to you and how you cherish the moments spent with them and wish them a great year ahead.Let them know now!!..right awayy..Smiley

Welcome to The Smiley Guide!  Last day of the year and surprisingly there ain't any feeling that is sprouting up in me that much.I felt the year has passed out very soon (passed out) Smiley as if it were some drunkard Smiley I had an awesome year here in bloggers and i got so many new people to interact with.Recently i had encountered some blogs and i was instantly mesmerized they were of Krishnapriya,Ishiyeta,Confused soul and Lady Fiona.Hope to read of you more from the next year.
So here is wishing all you lovely readers and writers a very happy new year 2012..Smiley

Enjoy,party,eat Smiley ,drink,drive safe and make sure you spend some time with the ones who love you and the ones you love Smiley  Smiley.

Smiley Smiley


M in love said...

Unspoken words! Such intense and raw feeling.. you master at bringing them out beautifully..
Wish you a very happy new year sweetheart.. Have a great year ahead :)

Beyond Horizon said...

This is so You! Not talking about sadness but Love ;)

Happy New year!!! :D

P.S. Yup! For me too the year went fast as if a ride on Ferrari...at least I felt being like in one ;)


Confused Soul said...

Oii you are right. This was a sad post, but filled with a lot of emotions. Only the ones in love will know what it means to love and to be loved. SOmetimes the pain can eat you up from inside. You become so vulnerable, even when you don't want to, it all hurts right?

I really hope this was fiction. It would be sad if someone experiences such immense pain. If it's a true story, I wanna give you a BIG HUG and tell you that things are going to be okay. You'll have to take baby steps to get out of this mess.

Okay enough gyaan. Firstly, I am thrilled since you mentioned me..that is so sweet! Thank you! :D ... Next, here's Wishing you a very happy new year love. May this year bring you lots of love, luck and happiness. Stay blessed! Cheers! :D

robin said...

ahhh... to turn back time.

Alcina said...

@M in love
Darling you can read the unspoken words so you say :)

thank you so much babes!

Alcina said...

@Beyond Horizon
:D you toh know..

Wuhu.. Ferrari must be fun eh!

I wish its lil less faster :P

Alcina said...

@Confused Soul

I am all smiles for your comment...loved it :)

Vulnerability factors are created be we ourselves so ya if we are then we will be hurt :)

No it isn't mine dear..fiction..though i can keep the hug can't i? ;)

Lovely to have you here
Bless u too..tc..keep smiling always

Alcina said...

Can't be done until you invent a time machine ;)