"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,and not fountain,to show them that we love them,not when we feel like it,but when they do"

Thursday, March 31, 2011

In disguise..

Holding your dreams.
I lie in my thoughts.
Embrace the wonderful site,
and wish to never get cross.
Caressing every of you,
i don't want you to get lost.
The breathe i take in,
of sweet lilac and lavenders.
Kissing you deep,
all i surrender.
Your light touches me every night,
makes me glow with a special shine.
I look at you every day through my hungry eyes.
With passion they fill and i am no more lonely.
When the night arrives i see you,
and i don't need to think.
You become my reality from thought.
Where i clasp you for real,
hold your hands,
kiss your lips.
As i try to open my eyes,
realize it was a somnolence in disguise.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Piece of heaven..

She had this feeling before she remembers,at that time it was a little crush of those starting years of knowing and exploring the word love.It's not really love so that's why they named it crush.She had it on her uncle he was handsome,young,tall and dark as most of the romantic novel say about a man.Today it was different story she loved someone who was very young to her.And yes it was love not infatuation.She was a professor in a college while teaching she had communicated with hundreds and thousands of youngsters.She wasn't married even at the age of 36,she actually didn't believe in it.She had seen her family,her mother and father used to spend nights fighting over a word one of them might have thrown accidentally at each other.
Siblings were never part of her life,she had just some cousins to call her own and they also had her as the shoulder for crying.The sorrows of others life were well soughted out by her.Lonesome at first,very introvert she never used to like people around her.After gradual changes in herself and her confidence she started to face the world and made quite handful of friends.From the handfuls only two or three might have been able to connect to her but then they also had life and couldn't stay with her for lifetime unless yeah they loved her(guy) or couldn't think up straight(girls).After finishing her schooling she realized the truth the bitter way because after you have been lonely and a transition period of friends circle comes in scene and when you return back to where you were it doesn't feel normal in anyway.
She adapted to it well,thought that studies were the only way she could be diverted and so she studied and attended almost all the lectures in the college because she couldn't have made new friends at the cost of herself being alone again the next time she finished up college.And now Mahi was a professor of botany.
In her 12 years of teaching she had never liked a guy that much,and she was quite embarrassed at the thought of having even thought about him this way.Himanshu was a bright student,very different from others and in a way he also could connect with Mahi quite well.He used to miss other lectures but never of her.
One day he had the courage and he went up to her and asked her 'Mam can I have your number?i had some doubts to talk about.' She was more than happy as if waiting for this opportunity to knock on her door and she eagerly handed out her number written on a piece of paper.He might have been around 20 or 21 appealing characteristics of face,tall,nice built and lots of girl were on the verge of falling for him.But for him it was different, he was also an introvert,shy and studious kind of guy.Had just two friends there.


He called her up in the evening and said hello with quite a unsure tone.
Mahi-hello,is this himanshu?
Himanshu-Yes mam,but how do you know that?
Mahi-Just identified from your voice.So what were the doubts you had to talk about?
Himanshu-It's not related to classes really..
Mahi-Then what is it?you had some fight in college or girlfriend problem?what is it?
Himanshu-I kind of like someone in the college.She is very beautiful and..wait do you have problem if i talk about this with you?Your husband or children won't mind right?
Mahi-Actually himansh i don't have anyone to call my husband or kid.
Himanshu-Oh great! Oh i mean..
Mahi-Oh i hear that spark in your voice what is it ?come out with it.
Himanshu-Mahi i love you!
(She was on cloud nine and couldn't believe her ears)
Mahi-Don't you like someone in college?Why did you have to say it to someone that too me,your teacher?
Himanshu-Because Mahi i can't stop feeling the way i feel for you.Do you feel the same way?If you don't then i promise i would leave this college and have admissions done some place else away from you..
Mahi-Himansh I love you too..but..
Himanshu-But what?
Mahi-You and i are student and teacher,we cannot breach this relation and code of conduct.
Himanshu-Oh come on love doesn't understand any of these.I have always admired your words,you,your attitude,your smile and what not..I am so much in love with you and don't know any other way to say it.
Mahi-Meet me on braige beach.Today 9 o'clock if you don't have problem in your house with your  parents.
Himanshu-Yes I'll be there.


They hang up and then they meet at 9 o'clock on braige beach.There is this moonlight glowing on the cascading waves,gentle breeze is flowing.Mahi is there in a white dress,bathed all in the light of moon,sitting with crossed legs,staring into the unending sea and her eyes speak like never before.Her pink lips were a delight to watch at,her long black hairs flowing down her back,eyes held a innocent wish and heart yearned.Himanshu comes and sits beside her.She holds him tight and embraces him and he can hear muffled voices.She is uncontrollable and crying.She has never thought that she would have an opportunity to hold the person she had loved first time in her life and according to her which was impossible.
Himanshu slowly raised her chin and spoke to her with a low and sweet voice "You i don't know..i feel like i have been meant to connect to you this way only.I love you so much ,words would be surely too less to tell you..(while saying all this he wiped her tears)
Mahi looked up in his eyes with red eyes and sighed..she felt like watching a dream in front of her eyes.She couldn't believe the reality.Her heart beat like a million times in a minute..or so she thought.
they didn't ask about each other..they didn't want to ask what was their past and what will there future be like..they just knew one thing and that was just love.


Yes it's difficult to think like it.People say only love won't suffice every need of yours but when you really do fall in love ,you'll surely know the magic it does ,the fireworks it explodes,the way it brighten ups the day,the heavenly feeling of being on cloud nine..it's imaginary but very close to reality of what wonders love can do.Just feel the present..past has gone..future is to be of what you do in your present.It didn't matter to them whether one was old or young,all that meant was their frequency,their need to be complete with each other,the need for two imperfect beings to unite in perfection...Love was all in the night air,the moon seemed to glow more than ever,the breezes played with her hairs and tousled his as well.That night was their own creation and the future will be too..It was pure without the hunger of lust,just to drown and indulge in the beauty of a SOUL.


Does age really matter in love(it's your view)?
Does age really matter in love(society says :) ?
Does society means more than love?


Sweet-bitter sensations,sparkling magic all around..cupid strikes it's arrow and love is all that spreads in the air.
P.S.-The questions can be answered in the comments or can be just thought about.. :)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Insomnia

Each pore of cut that was made,
with the blade digging deep.
Each crimson drop that fell.
Like the falling grains of time.
Watching the infinity in front of eyes,
it seem to be never ending.
But it had a point; 
from where he may start a fresh.
Lonesome soul possessor, 
body without a heart inside,
mind that was clogged and plagued.
Touch that was not able to reach any human. 
Ghastly silence that got created, 
everywhere it roamed in infinity.
The cold wind that were blowing through the hole.
Burning the desires high and ferocious.
Meanings of words lost in the air.
Feel vanished in an instant.
Deciphering the codes was impossible.
Eyes that were not shutting at all,
heavy and in need of something.
The poison that ran through the flesh,
bitten he was by insomnia.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Real love?

I always wanted to tell you how i felt with you..One day i did that and the result was that i was composed for whole of my life..but whatever i told you was not what i wanted to really tell you..of how much the love can be of how much can i do for you of how i can obey you without uttering any word...But it was not possible on the right time ,the right words didn't come up.
I am not your girl-friend,you are not my boy-friend.I love you but you don't.It hardly makes any difference to be or not to be in your world.
The moments that i have spent with you just wished that could replay them back really with you but that doesn't seem possible.Yes i am jealous for the first time in my life of somethings you do.You don't remember me, you don't have any need to remember me.If ever i fall i will take your imaginary hands,if ever i cry i'll use your imaginary shoulders,if ever i am depressed i'll recall your sprightly laugh,if ever i am very happy i will kiss your imaginary cheeks,if ever i want to feel you and rejoice i will embrace the pillow thinking its you...
Whatever may be the circumstance whatever may be the situation i would hold on to the imaginary you,the one that met me the first time,the one that is without change,the one that is core,the one that is for me...So i guess from now on i would not have to disturb you and your life yes until and unless i sense that you are unhappy.I'll be there for you always and forever.I'll always provide you the real hands to hold,real shoulders to cry upon,real laugh to laugh with,real cheeks to kiss on,real me to embrace and rejoice....

Is one-sided love only about giving,is it real and unconditional?


P.S.-It's not about me(FICTITIOUS).I was just taking up the topic which is one sided love :P...Though loved those wonderful comments.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Blindfolded..


I laughed at myself,
was turned around after the blindfold.
He gave assurance with his words,
left me to find him.
In the deep forest that i was being led to,
i didn't knew it was such lovely pain,
To touch him back!
Let him open the tie!
I stood there, 
the whole world was all black.
I dared on the journey, 
to let know that path of glory.
The steps weren't trodden before,
with each step i could encounter, 
a slither,
a bite,
a prick,
a soul,
a ghost,
a cover,
a linger, 
or just him..
But after i walked a while,
I knew i wasn't led the right way,
 didn't lead to him.
It lead to a cliff, 
from where i would fall forever.
So i laughed at myself,
was turned around after that blindfold.
The betrayal turned ecstatic,
as i stood there, 
waiting for the game end.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

To have loved and lost




A love. 
Unsaid,unspoken of.
It was silent,
and ephemeral for the moment.
When it spoke,
it left a trace,
of pain and longing.
For the someone who never existed.


I cuddled up in his arms,
stared him inside through the eyes.
Mesmerized by the glance,
he blew a kiss towards me in air.
And i asked him in a tone so low,
Do you trust me?
He murmured a yes.

Clasping him more close,
i entwined my fingers in his.
He kissed my hands.
And i asked in a hushed voice,
Do you owe me something?
He hushed back with a yes.

I placed my head on his chest,
hearing the heart beat.
He brushed my hairs, 
aside from over my eyes.
I asked almost in mute whisper,
Do you love me?
He did not reply.. 

We lay there the same way, 
almost time spent like eternity.
And the silent night silenced. 
In the abyss i fell very afraid.
I opened my eyes, 
and a tear trickled down.
I saw his eyes moistened too.
He spoke caressing and kissing.
'Ask no question and hear no lies.'
If i get away and the promises die down,
I don't want you to wait for me.
I don't want you to stay alone.
I don't want you to harbor the pain.
I don't want to break you apart.
I don't want to leave you to never ever come back..
"So i go away from you before i fall for you"

A love. 
Unsaid,unspoken of.
It was silent,
and ephemeral for the moment.
When it spoke,
it left a trace,
of pain and longing.
For the someone who never existed.


Thursday, March 10, 2011

Your breathe..

The breathe that was touching,
silent in the air.
Caressed each tangle, 
with a soothe of lifetime.
Each word that got whispered to me,
every step that concealed in me,
nearing me each moment it was,
Hard to believe that it cling to me.
I had never felt it so assuring.
It was full of warmth and hidden care.
If it were a dream,
i wished it to never end. 
The bitter-sweet magic,
of pain and love, 
hard to find the distinctness.
Molding me into it was, 
as if i were to be,
a princess of his dreams.
Making me do to what pleased him.
Eternal sparkle spread all over,
as if the universe had been waiting for this.
For waking the supreme time.
For the history is being created.
To fill itself in the pages,
and grow as ancient as ages.
Softly it placed;
sweetly it said;
Passionately chased
the breathe it said-
"Till our souls break apart." 

P.S.-This entry is submitted by me for Thursday Poets Rally Week 40
Alcina

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Change

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton Season 2 edition 18; the eighteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
"Seasons change there mood so swift.
Seconds grow down to minutes,
minutes multiply and create hours,
hours in turn produce the days,
days gather up and form months,
months crowd out and year is made up."

Her spirited laugh echoed in air,
she was swinging in her toy.
The tears announced her as a graduate.
Agony streaked eyes; 
her lover has betrayed,
playing with her as if a game.
The night of bidding farewell to her home,
she had to make up one house of her own.
New persons mingling in her life.
She created her new paradise pretty nice.
Bunch of flowers bloomed in her lap.
She had her babies, 
and was addressed as mom.
Her garden full of love and cheer.
She grew old and witnessed, 
what her mother would have once.
Her children growing and parting, 
as the destiny had planned.
Withering away the life was,
little by little the breathe that got lost.
She journeyed down her life once again,
in her thoughts of growing and change.
Death prevailed in those serene eyes.

"Seasons changed there moods.
Seconds grew down to minutes,
minutes multiplied and created hours,
hours turned to produce the days,
days gathered up and formed months,
months crowded out and year was made up."


The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

भ्रम ..


हर डोर टूट ती सी,
हर ज़ख्म गहराता |
नमी  आँखों में,
दिल को बहलाता |
रक्तिम लहू बहता है हर ज़र्रे से |
आशिक तेरा जलता है हर पहर में |
शब मुश्किल है दिखना,
नामुमकिन तो नहीं |
रात काली है ज़रूर ,
पर बेरेहेम तो नहीं |
हलकी चांदनी से भीगा जाए,
ये सारा आशियाँ प्यार की धुन  में,
सहेजे थे फूल इष्क के, 
अब काँटों को कैसे छोड़ दें | 
प्रेम रागिनी का सितम, 
तो सहना होगा |
दिल लगाया अजनबी से, 
भ्रम तो एक दिन टूटना ही होगा |