The breathe that was touching,
silent in the air.
Caressed each tangle,
with a soothe of lifetime.
Each word that got whispered to me,
every step that concealed in me,
nearing me each moment it was,
Hard to believe that it cling to me.
I had never felt it so assuring.
It was full of warmth and hidden care.
If it were a dream,
i wished it to never end.
The bitter-sweet magic,
of pain and love,
hard to find the distinctness.
Molding me into it was,
as if i were to be,
a princess of his dreams.
Making me do to what pleased him.
Eternal sparkle spread all over,
as if the universe had been waiting for this.
For waking the supreme time.
For the history is being created.
To fill itself in the pages,
and grow as ancient as ages.
Softly it placed;
sweetly it said;
Passionately chased
the breathe it said-
"Till our souls break apart."
P.S.-This entry is submitted by me for Thursday Poets Rally Week 40,
Alcina
33 comments:
Beautifully written...:]
Lovely template background..:)
superb write....beautifully describd....amazin use of words...n i loved the 1st 4 lines like nethin....keep writin...:)
regards
vaisakhi
The cupid smiled silently as the arrow hit the mark... the eternal bond that brings love, now complete with two bodies and a soul.
Very nice read.
Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete
i dont have words to express how i feel after reading this... and more importantly how i felt while reading it....
:) :)
@Valli
Thank you valli =)
hope you had a happy visit!!
@Vaisakhi
Sure vaisakhi would keep writing..thanks for that wonderful appreciation :)
Hope you had a happy visit here!!
@Blasphemous Aesthete
I rather liked what you wrote in those two lines :))
@Rup
That was a huge comment..:)))))
Thanks a ton..
Love it.
Do you love moon, too? :D
@Yesha
Yes badly and madlyy.. :)
Thank you..
Hope you had a happy visit here :)
A lovely poem and a gorgeous blog. : )
Beautifully written, love the choice of the words....
That was wonderful Alcina :) I have a suggestion. Not a criticism or anything. I felt the poem would have been much much better if the following lines
"Eternal sparkle spread all over,
as if the universe had been waiting for this.
For waking the supreme time.
For the history is being created.
To fill itself in the pages,
and grow as ancient as ages."
were removed from it. The feeling you are trying to convey through the poem is of a personal dimension. So, i felt those lines out of place. When i read it, skipping over those few lines, I got a better punch :) Hope you'd take this in the positive sense :)
Softly it placed;
sweetly it said;
Passionately chased
the breathe it said-
"Till our souls break apart." ...
love the lines, well done.
Happy Rally.
Your blog is beautifully adorned, I must agree with another poster's comment.
I've always been a sucker for this kind of poetry, filled with imagery and words that speak to the imagination, a landscape made with words to explore.
Thank you visiting at my blog.
~Queenly
Such a beautiful piece! I have no words to say how beautiful it read!
amazing entry..
keep it up.
Happy Rally.
a beautiful read. i floved the flow of your writing.
This lovely, thanks!
A great read, real strong imagery. I greatly enjoyed it.
The Lonely Recluse
hey Alcina, the best part was that beginning four lines to me! beautiful imagery throughout, thank u for sharing! :)
Here's My Poem For Poets Rally
You have effectively used strong metaphor to stir the reader's imagination. Nicely written,
@thingy
thanks a lot :)
Hope you had a happy visit here!
Keep chiming!
@Eclipse
Thanks :)
Hope you had a happy visit here!
Keep chiming!
@periwinkler
Well this suggestion is ok if i see through your eyes but then i had my perspective on this topic and somewhere if you can find there is a connect that i wanted to make.
Thank you :)
Hope you had a happy visit!
Keep chiming!
@Jingle
You wrote two times for this and both the times you didn't miss to praise :)
Thanks
Keep chiming!
@Ms. Queenly
Thanks a lot for those words :)
I am glad you could find such a poetry in this poem :)
That was my pleasure :)
Hope you had a happy visit here!
Keep chiming!
@Alethea
Thanks a ton
Hope you had a happy visit here!
Keep chiming!
@lunawitch
Thank you
hope you had a happy visit here!
Keep chiming!
@honeyhaiku
:)
hope you had a happy visit here!
Keep chiming!
@lonelyrecluse
my pleasure
Hope you had a happy visit here!
keep chiming!
@Vinay
Your welcome :)
Creating the atmosphere was the main concern here and i am glad you could feel it :)
Hope you had a happy visit here!
Keep chiming!
@The fool
Glad it could stir's your too :)
Thank you
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